When I was five years old I got to go see my first movie in the theater. That movie was Footloose and I’ve been in love ever since. I have watched the movie and listened to the soundtrack countless times over the past 27 years. Needless to say I was little peeved when I saw that it was getting remade. And, a lot move peeved when I saw the crappy trailer. It looks horrible. They’re racing buses, doing synchronized group dancing (something that should only be executed at prom) and there looks to be a racetrack of some kind. What have they done? The original is a classic and should have never been messed with. Kevin Bacon cannot be replaced. No one is going to be playing Six Degrees of Kenny Wormald in the future. In honor of one of the best movies ever made here are the top ten things it taught me.
- Guys love a suicidal girl. Ariel likes to play it close with oncoming traffic. Whether it be a semi or a train. And, the boys eat it up.
- Dance out your frustrations. It’s the only way to deal with anger in a town that has banned dancing.
- Keep a tape player handy. All activities must have the perfect song playing in order to perform them correctly.
- If someone calls you a pansy, you call them an asshole, then he challenges you to a tractor chicken race. Clearly the only way to settle a disagreement.
- Only white people live in Bomont. True story. I just re-watched it to make sure.
- Ren is into gymnastics, has a blossoming bromance with Willard and received a music box as a gift—he is NOT gay.
- Don’t organize a dance. This will only end up with your Mother getting fired, your Uncle losing some business, your Aunt getting some nasty phone calls and a brick that says “Burn in Hell” getting thrown through your window.
- Banning dancing is a slippery slope into book burning.
- To be badass your truck must have antlers.
- The best dancers come from a town where dancing has been banned.