Archive for September, 2010

Frozen

(2010, Dir. by Adam Green.)

The skiing scene is something I’ve never been a part of.  When I think of skiing, I remember Better Off Dead’s Charles De Mar telling Lane Meyer: “Go that way, really fast.  If something gets in your way, turn.”  That’s about my entire understanding of the slopes.  And that’s even after I’ve seen and blindly loved Shredder (which I recently found the only other fan of!) a few times.

But when word of mouth caught fire about Adam Green’s Frozen, I was more than ready to head to the ski lifts for a practical, character driven horror film.  It’s an incredibly simple premise – even more than the much-maligned Devil – in that three kids get stuck on a chair lift, high above the slopes, as the resort closes down for the week.  It surely doesn’t seem like enough to fill a 90 minute film, but Green and cast keep the plight interesting.

When I say interesting, I mean that it offers gripping brutality.  In the tradition of survivalist horrors that came before it, Frozen focuses on what these characters go through while trying to figure out an escape.  This gives the viewer their own chance to ponder how they would deal with this predicament.  In the home setting, this allowed me to shout at the screen and share the characters’ pain with each frozen body part or broken bone.  This is the kind of horror that’s set up for audience participation, and I’d imagine couples or friends watching it will have a lot of queries for each other and chances to howl in unison at some graphic effects.

(My escape route?  I’d immediately pull a Tango & Cash.  If you don’t know what I mean, check in with Misters Russell and Stallone and come back later.)

The cast do an excellent job of presenting victims we can relate with.  Kevin Zegers (Dawn of the Deadremake, Wrong Turn) and Shawn Ashmore (Iceman from the X-Men films, ironically) play childhood best friends enjoying a traditional weekend getaway.  Newcomer Emma Bell plays Zegers’ character’s girlfriend (a first-timer on the slopes), and the film does a fine job of presenting the characters’ relationships.  Bell and Ashmore play off each other very well, and their differing relationships with their friend are crucial to the human element of the story.  The film also includes cameos from Green, horror director Joe Lynch, and stunt coordinator/ex-Jason Kane Hodder before the trio’s predicament.  Green’s wife, Rileah Vanderbilt, also appears in a bit role as a potential love interest for Ashmore in the opening scenes.

It took me a while to get in to Frozen – the build up is a little too “rich kids with rich problems” for me – but the film takes off when the characters have to make choices about how to face the situation.  As the tension escalates, Green never cuts corners.  The film still takes time to build its characters in the face of adversity – because, really, what else is there for them to do while they’re trapped on a 5 foot wide chair high above the slopes?

Frozen is successful, unlike Green’s wildly-popular-yet-maddeningly-silly slasher Hatchet, because it stays simple and doesn’t try to go overboard by winking at the audience.  It’s not one of the most shocking films I’ve seen of late, but it’s pure entertainment that should be fun to pop in with friends so you can watch their reactions as the plot unfolds.  While Hatchet promised it, I feel like Frozen is my kind of “old-school American horror”.

The Hammer

Starring: Adam Carolla, Oswaldo Castillo, Heather Jurgenson
Directed by: Charles Herman Wurmfeld
Rated: R for brief language
Movie Released: 2008
IMDB Link

One of the most downloaded podcasts on itunes is The Adam Carolla Show. The Aceman, who made his living as a one time carpenter before becoming a stand up comedian, Loveline and The Man Show host and eventually pursued a career in radio has found his way into becoming one of the most downloaded episodic shows on the net. But Carolla still wanders out from behind the mic on occasion and pens and stars in in his own flick.

The Hammer is the story of a 40 year old carpenter who has never seen anything through to the end. Always stopping short of following his dreams, he’s now hitting the mid life crisis he has always heard about. With a girlfriend that left him, and a job he hates, Jerry Ferro decides at a whim to take a chance and return to the sport he loves, boxing. Discovered by an amateur boxing coach who convinces him that he may have what it takes to become an Olympic athlete even at the ripe old age of 40, Ferro begins a quest to fulfill the dream he’s always wanted; and returns to the ring as Jerry “The Hammer” Ferro.

I actually expected The Hammer to be a terrible, low budget piece of garbage that had no heart, no story and thrived of raunchy humor and not much more. What I was surprised to find was a film that actually was much of the opposite. Carolla sat down and penned a movie that really was quite charming and was quite entertaining. Carolla found a way of surrounding down on his luck, loser Ferro with a cast of characters and situations that work well together and didn’t resort to the raunchy humor to enhance the plot. Instead he sticks to the tried and true slapstick comedy, mixed in with hints of his stand up bits in this romantic “boxing” comedy.

Carolla does an overall good job in the role of Ferro, but then again who is really surprised that Carolla could play a wise cracking, slacker carpenter; After all it was kind of his day job for quite some time. He surrounds himself with a Nicaraguan immigrant best friend named Ozzy who is the Pedro to Carolla’s Napoleon Dynamite. Ozzy became one of my favorite parts of the film even though he is usually only there to set up some sort of comedic rant by Carolla. Even Carolla’s boxing buddies do a good job working with what they’ve got, however there isn’t really much to work with in these cookie-cutter characters that Carolla has created.

However, I can easily see someone hating this film as well. If you’re not a fan of Adam Carolla, as a comedian,  then The Hammer simply isn’t going to be for you. His comedic spirit is heavy handed in this film, and you find yourself either chuckling or scratching your head as Carolla’s character breaks into rants about toggle bolts, immigrants, and bad driving. In fact there are times in this film where you stop wondering why Ferro is 40 and single- after all he does tend to rant about the things that are wrong with any given scenario.

However, in the end I found The Hammer to be a lot of fun. Carolla hasn’t penned the next Godfather, but he found himself involved with an indie flick that few have heard of that was a charming little number. If you’re in the mood for a good laugh but don’t know where to turn, I’d have no problems suggesting The Hammer as an option. Pop some popcorn and put in the dvd player. I think you’ll be glad you did.

Where Are They? Wednesdays: Joe Lando

This weeks edition is brought to you by some small children that I happen to know that have recently fallen in love with their parent’s copies of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.  As they began talking about the adventures of Doctor Mike, Sully and wolf I began wondering what ever happened to Byron Sully, aka Joe Lando.

If you aren’t aware, Joe Lando was a former Hollywood cook who as discovered and earned a small role on the daytime soap, One Life to Live.  However, Lando gained his most memorable role as Byron Sully in the CBS success, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman as Jane Seymour’s love interest.

As I began my quest to find Joe Lando, I found that Joe Lando has kind of disappeared off the face of the planet.  He’s made a few appearances on TV shows with little bit parts, most recently in 2010 in Melrose Place.  He’s also got a movie titled Spotlight that is due out in 2010.  Sadly enough I don’t have much else to report.    Lando married Kirsten Barlow in 1997 and now has four children: Jack Neville Lando (born June 3, 1998), Christian Antonio Lando (born July 7, 2001), Kate Elizabeth Lando (born April 3, 2003) and William Joseph Lando (born July 20, 2007).   Happy family man Joe Lando seems to be paying the bills with a few bit parts here and there, and living off Dr. Quinn royalties.

In my discoveries into the world of Joe Lando, I discovered Cooking With Joe and Kirsten , where you can learn recipes from Joe Lando (last Archive Dated 2003).  And I found information for The Joe Lando fan club and a few links to Joe Lando’s Travel Blog off joelando.org.  Apparently, If your rekindled interest in Byron Sully has been peaked you can write to Joe!

Joe Lando
PO Box 7349
Fort Myers, Florida   33911

Until next time, this is your old pal Nate helping you figure out where they are each Wednesday!

Where Are They? Wednesdays: Kristy Swanson

I was given the reader task of tracking down my first vampire slayer over the last week. A reader left me the following message:
Dear Nate,
Where are the Wednesday Topic- Kristy Swanson. She was supposed to be a big deal years ago. Where did she go?
Thanks!

Well random reader, that is a very good question. Just where did Kristy Swanson go? And I already know some of you who are wondering- Who the hell is Kristy Swanson?

Kristy Swanson was an actress who debuted on the big screen in two John Hughes films: Pretty In Pink and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.   In Bueller, Swanson was the character who give a terrible excuse for school skipping Ferris. She starred in Wes Craven’s Deadly Friend as Samantha and followed up with a performance she played Cathy in V. C. Andrews’ best-seller Flowers in the Attic. By the 90’s Swanson had made multiple TV appearances in Knots Landing, and Nightingales.

Swanson’s career bust into films in the 90’s most notably for her performance as Buffy The Vampire slayer (in which a young Ben Affleck plays Basketball Player #10). Buffy failed in the box office but found a niche market in DVD/VHS sales (and probably laser discs as well!). Her filmography also included movies such as Hot Shots!, The Program, The Chase, Higher Learning, The Phantom, and 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag. Unfortunately for Swanson, none of these films performed at the box office and kick started her career as a movie starlet. It wasn’t until 1999 when Swanson appeared in Big Daddy alongside Adam Sandler, before pretty much disappearing into the Hollywood doldrums.

Since then, Swanson has tried to continue to re-kindle her minor stardom by posing in Playboy and ventured into”reality TV.” Swanson starred in “Skating With Celebrities” a FOX network attempt to cash in on the “_____ing with the Stars” franchise.  After an affair with her married Skating partner (who knew male skaters married women!)  Swanson wound up marrying her Skating partner, Lloyd Eisler, in February 2009. Swanson has a son, Magnus Hart Swanson Eisler, who was born in 2007.  At age 40, despite not having atheatrical release in over 10 years, Swanson continues to act and try to cash in on the small amount of stardom she once had.    She’s become a spokesperson for the Medifast diet program, and most recently Swanson can be seen in an indie film along side Kevin Sorbo and Debbie Ryan titled What If…

So for those of you wondering just what happened to theatrical Buffy…your burning question has been answered. Tune in for next weeks Where Are the Wednesdays!

Street Thief

Starring: Kapsar Carr ( I guess)
Directed by: Malik Bader
Rated: NA
Movie Released: 2006
IMDB Link

I had many a person tell me to check out this “crime. thriller” most likely because of the Woodridge, Illinois establishment this petty career criminal tries to heist that will remain nameless for the sake of this review.  Many of these people thought that I might enjoy seeing a certain franchise be heisted in a film because I may have been dutifully employed by this very same company.    I’ll leave it up to the viewers of the film to fill in the blanks for those of you baby birds who still need to be force fed.  I have to say I had some very strange thoughts and feelings on the film Street Theif, and after a day of thinking about it, I think I’ve finally wrapped my brain around it enough to share my thoughts with you.

Shot in a documentary style, Street Thief sets out to try and show viewers what life is like as a career burglar, as we follow Kaspar Karr, a seasoned criminal master mind.  The “documentary” director follows Carr trying to get the inside information on what it is like to scope out and study your mark before planning and executing the perfect heist.  At first glance this film seems like it just might be a very interesting film.  The problem is, as a viewer- you’re the mark.

The film falsely presents itself due to its documentary style, but it is simply far from it.  Perhaps that is why the makers of this film call it a “crime. thriller” but really don’t go out of their way to point this out.  Instead they call it a “historical record” at the beginning of the film.  Unbeknownst to some viewers, Street Thief is a fictional story, a recreation based on supposed actual events.  The directors of the film claim to have studied and have knowledge of real burglars and how they will case a mark before a break in.  The film’s main character, Kaspar Carr, is a fictional compilation of these men’s studies into the criminal underworld.

Simply put, the film is a fake that presents itself as being very real.  I was a little disappointed by that.  Of course, it has to be.  After all, anyone who films crimes without reporting is an accessory and would be imprisoned themselves, but the film presents it as a actual record.  Now don’t get me wrong, that’s not the reason I liked or disliked the film.  In fact, the “fake doc” style actually enhances the film.  It makes it seem gritty, real and even adds some interest and intrigue.  However, I felt that the directors went out of their way to try and pull the wool over viewers eyes, claiming to be “original” like the Blair Witch Project.  Problem is unless you are a member of The Ghost Adventures Crew you already know the Blair Witch is a hoax, Kaspar Carr could be the real deal.  Instead, he turns out to be a Keyser Soze.

Cinematically I don’t think Street Thief would have worked as a film if it had not gone for the documentary style.  However, the film centered itself around a mediocre, hypocritical, fake crook that really wasn’t believable.  In fact, I had a very hard time believing that Kaspar Carr knew what he was doing half the time.  It seemed like some of his “plans” were hatched from reading too many dime store detective novels with very little known about commercial security systems.  Simply cutting the phone lines to the alarm panel will have the cops on your doorstep in no time, but not in the world of Kaspar Carr.   Never mind, motion sensors, door sensors or anything else that might be in Kaspars way, we simply dismiss these elements to make the film flow.   In fact, I know for a fact that certain establishment does not have any of the paperwork thrown away in the trash like Kaspar Carr claims.  Mix that in with a unbelievable imprisioned “burglar” giving comparable testimonies, and this film screams fake at the top of it’s lungs while at the same time tries to play it off as the real deal.

When it is all said and done, Kaspar Carr’s tale was kind of an interesting ride, but the end result was a film that built itself on a house of cards, and that house of cards tumbles quickly.  Stylistically, the film holds up but the rest of this balloon of a film bursts quickly.  A cast of “overly fake” crooks, glazed over details to enhance a plot and a ludicrous ending to the film makes this film a wannabe classic.  I’m reminded of one of my favorite lines from The Usual Suspects as I find a fitting closing to this review. “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world that he did not exist.  And just like that…He was gone.” The makers of Street Thief wanted to be the devil, it’s just too bad they couldn’t pull it off.

?>