A Review by The Mike
Starring: Bruce Campbell
Directed by: Sam Rami
Movie Released: 1981
There’s no intro needed for the first Evil Dead,
and creating a review had me scratching my head.
How do I present a film that has been so revered;
that millions and millions have seen and have feared?
But then a light shined, in my cranial dome –
“Alas!” I did cry, “An Evil Dead poem!”
The show starts off simple, five kids in a car;
They’re traveling somewhere, and it doesn’t seem far.
If you’re expecting there’ll be someone else near,
Let me whisper this dreadful thought in your ear.
These woods aren’t forgiving, and aren’t populated –
At least not by things that haven’t been mutilated.
They arrive at a cabin with plans to “party down!”
But this party isn’t for children, a cake, or a clown.
Instead they find a cellar, and ancient artifacts,
and a recording that warns they don’t dare relax.
One girl heads outside, with thoughts of escape;
but the trees are more into…well…it rhymes with grape.
she wants to leave – GASP! – the bridge is out!
That fact won’t get Cheryl to stop with her pout.
Then something else happens that changes her tune,
she starts ranting and raving like some kind of loon.
But she’s not just crazy, and nobody’s dreamin';
‘Cause Cheryl’s possessed by a Kandarian demon!
What happens next, I’ll leave you to learn,
I trust your anticipation’s starting to burn.
I’m not just here to retell the film’s story,
I’d rather talk a bit about all of it’s glory.
Because The Evil Dead’s not just your average scare,
There’s reasons so many have stopped here to stare.
Before he made sequels, Sam Raimi focused on gore.
There’s little comedy, and no boomstick in store.
This film’s about terror, no more and no less.
OK, add a strong dose of severed body part mess.
We do meet Bruce Campbell, before his cult fame,
Back when he didn’t have his sarcastic, cocky game.
One thing you will see on the Evil Dead screen,
is bodily fluids that range from red to green.
There are no reservations regarding this matter,
These demons are only slowed by making a splatter.
The film takes its mess to a brand new height,
Making sure we realize it’s a long, bumpy night.
There’s a lot that could be said about this one,
It’s messy, it’s scary, it’s a cabin full of fun.
I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know –
I’m dig this movie like Charlie Sheen digs a ho.
So don’t start in with the rating scale queries –
Because The Evil Dead fits The Mike’s Legends Series!
Final Grade: The Mike’s Legends Series – The best of the best.