Archive for November, 2003

Bad Santa

A Film Review By The Mike

Rating:RATED R for Vulgarity, Sexual Content, Language, and much Vomiting 
Starring: Billy Bob Thornton, Bernie Mac, Lauren Graham 
Directed By: Terry Zwigoff 

Final Grade: 

Billy Bob Thornton stars as the titular character in Bad Santa, a movie that’s laced with a blatant simplicity. There’s no attempt at in-depth plot development, and many characters’ names are so rarely used that we become accustomed to calling them by their in-film nicknames. Usually a film that’s this lacking in detail would lose my care, but Bad Santa makes it blatantly obvious that it doesn’t want us to care that much.

In the film’s world Billy Bob’s character is named Willie, but he’s much more often called Santa, even during sex. His girlfriend is simply his girlfriend (Or Mrs. Santa’s Sister at times), and I didn’t know she had an actual name until I saw the credits. Even the film’s most endearing character becomes known only as “The Kid”, although when it’s revealed that his name is actually “Thurman Merman” I longed for much more usage of it. The point seems to me that Bad Santa is trying to be a movie about people that stand out on their own, not about people who can be classified by their names. They exist in their own self-contained universe, outside the realm of your average film characters.

At the beginning of the film we meet our Bad Santa through a pain-filled voice over while he sits alone in a bar. Though it’s a cheap way to develop the character, it works surprisingly well, and within five minutes we understand that Thornton’s character is not the type of person we’re going to like much. We soon find out that he’s not only a crude drunk, but also a professional safecracker, who has been robbing department store safes with his partner Marcus the Elf for years. Marcus happens to be an “African American Small Person” (or Black Midget for the unpolitically correct crowd), which helps them to get away with anything they want on the job. Because we all know you can’t fire a Black Midget without a war.

Anyway, Santa and Marcus make their way to Arizona for a gig, and upon arrival find their paths changing. The store’s ultraconservative manager (played by the late John Ritter) is frightened by Santa’s foul mouth and extracurricular activities with large women, and enlists the services of his security chief (an underused and, in the end, unnecessary Bernie Mac) to help get rid of the duo. Santa also meets both a girl who has a Santa fetish (Lauren Graham) and “The Kid” (Brett Kelly).

The former relationship is never fully deconstructed, but the latter is the film’s heart and soul. The Kid is the kind of loser we’ve always come to love, wandering around in his own special way, so persistent and inquisitive that it drives anyone around him insane. He realizes that Santa is not the real Santa, and therefore decides to follow him, saving him from an attack by Samir from Office Space. I hated this worthless scene, but the rest of the duo’s relationship is either hilarious or touching. The Kid simply wants to help Santa, although his constant questioning rarely makes Santa happy. When he gives Santa a Christmas present we’re shocked by his level of care for this man who he has been shrugged off by so many times. Of course, The Kid is not popular, and this leads the film into an unnecessary cliché. Bad Santa tries to teach him to fight, in a scene that is more deserving of MTV’s Jackass or an American Pie film.

I know I’m rambling a lot, and there seems to be little balance in what I’m pointing out. The thing is, that’s the impression the movie left on me. At times, Bad Santa is a hilarious picture, and at times it’s a surprisingly meaningful one. Director Terry Zwigoff has created a wonderful set of characters in one of the bravest stories put on film. The help of the Coen brothers on the script is pretty evident at times, and adds a lot to the humor and the story. But there are also times when the film goes too far, with childish or immature gags like I mentioned above, or with so many vulgarities that one can’t help wondering if this much is really necessary.

I guess I liked Bad Santa. It was funny, which a comedy should be, while being true to its own goals. However, I can’t flat out recommend it to you, due to the unbalanced plot and the over the top nature. It’s definitely not a film for everyone, and in fact I doubt it will find much of an audience at all. The eccentric filmgoer may find it brilliant, or be disappointed by its drops into silliness, while the average filmgoer could (and probably will) find it insulting. At any rate, Bad Santa accomplishes what it wants to, and that’s worth praising in film no matter what its aims are.

The Missing

A Film Review By The Mike

Rating:R for Violence and Language
Starring: Tommy Lee Jones, Cate Blanchett, Val Kilmer
Directed By: Ron Howard

Final Grade:

Whoever was responsible for advertising for The Missing should definitely get a paycut. Most everyone I knew saw the trailers or TV spots for this film and expected a horror film, or at least a psychological thriller. But, the first reviewers learned the film’s secret, and now its viewers have come to realize too. It’s a western.

That being said, it’s a very well made western. Director Ron Howard bucks my image of his directorial talents with a beautifully realized epic, that’s filled with landscapes and settings that any director would be proud of. Not only that, but he gets a wonderful cast to help him through them.

Tommy Lee Jones has never been an actor I’ve immensely enjoyed watching, but he’s never been better for a role than this one. His gruff exterior and mannerisms are perfectly done, and fit his character perfectly. Cate Blanchett also does well as the concerned mother, showing both care and ferocity when they’re needed. There are also good but brief supporting performances from Val Kilmer and Aaron Eckhart.

But, The Missing is definitely missing something. If one digs down under its style and look, there seems to be a lack of emotion that the film at times can not defeat. There are many scenes throughout that are meant to pack a punch, but instead fall flat in the dramatic department.

There were some very good scenes mixed in, especially in the last half an hour, but the unevenness is a huge drawback for a film like this, especially with such a long runtime. One can’t help feeling many things could have been cut, and that a much neater and more powerful film could have been arranged.

The last thing I will say in defense of The Missing is that it did have a truly original and frightening villain, a rare trait in today’s films. It had a lot more good things too, but just as many bad ones. In the end, the work of Jones and the cinematography make it slightly recommendable, but still slightly disappointing.

Timeline

A Film Review By The Mike

Rating:RATED PG-13 for Intense Historic Violence!
Starring: Paul Walker, Gerard Butler
Directed By: Richard Donner

Final Grade:

  • Storming a castle, especially when you’re expected, is a very ballsy move.
  • If you’re going back in time, and are told repeatedly that you are not to take weapons from the present with you, and still decide you should, a lone grenade is not the best idea.
  • IF you’re told you HAVE to go to the year 1357 with friends, simply because you’re the only one who fluently speaks French, and you arrive to find everyone speaking English….prepare to die.

    These are the kind of thoughts that will no doubt race through your mind if you partake in Timeline, the latest Sci-Fi/Actioner from Richard Donner. It’s a film that’s among the most ludicrously plotted I’ve ever seen, and at no point makes any real sense.

    The story, in short is this. An archaeologist somehow ends up being transported through a “wormhole” into the middle of The 100 Year War between France and England in the year 1357. We know this, because ever twelve seconds we are told so. Especially once the characters get to the year 1357. Said characters are a group of said archaeologist’s team whom have been sent to save him, along with his son.

    Said son is played by everyone’s favorite actor, Paul Walker. By favorite, I mean the guy 99% of critics and filmgoers with brains want dead or mute. Personally, I don’t think he’s a horrible actor. I don’t think he’s good either, but he can be serviceable (i.e., Joy Ride). That being said, his performance in this film is horrible, as he spews horrible dialogue often. Granted, the dialogue’s not his fault.

    That would be the fault of the script, which has to be one of the least coherent and most audacious I’ve ever seen. There are several plot devices that are brought up as important and never resolved, instead filling time with battle scenes. The battle scenes really aren’t that good either, but are decent enough for a direct to video film. Oh wait…this is a film with an 80 million dollar budget, not a direct to video film…Oops.

    I’ve been really hard on it so far, but Timeline isn’t really that horrible of a movie. It never takes itself too seriously, and manages to keep us interested even when we really know we shouldn’t be interested. This could be due to the frantically inspired pacing, and the intertwining of the different characters’ stories. There are a several subplots at a time, and many of them are surprisingly well done.

    The best of these is the story line revolving around the character Andre Marek, played by the wonderfully intense Gerard Butler. The actor who helped lift films like Tomb Raider 2 and Dracula 2000 from pitiful to mediocre does his magic again here. There were many times throughout that I was ready to dump it into the F grade bin, but Butler kept showing up exactly when the film needed him. In fact, he probably gets more screentime than Walker, and definitely gets more of a heroic push than Walker. Now if someone would only give him a real starring role!

    Timeline is basically a popcorn flick, and that puts it above several of its shortcomings. But it’s too stupid in script and too weak in explanation to overcome all of them. It’s surprisingly not one of the worst movies of the year, but it’s nowhere near being good either. Unless you’re into thoughts like the ones at the top of this review, don’t bother seeing Timeline without a time machine that will take you back two hours after it ends.

  • Matrix Revolutions

    A Film Review By Jason L. King

    Rating:R for strong violence and a language
    Starring: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving
    Directed By: Andy and Larry Wachowski

    Final Grade:

    Everything that has a beginning has an end. Sometimes however the end takes much longer than you ever expected. In 1999 the Wachowski Brothers wowed audiences with the sci-fi action flick The Matrix. The story of Neo, the savior of the people enslaved inside the computer world, caught on quickly and soon enough the directorial style and the story of this newfound action hero had everyone talking. Well luckily for Hollywood money talks just as loudly as people do. Warner Brothers asked the Wachowski Brothers to continue their story of Neo and complete the great Matrix trilogy. After the tightly knit Matrix came out, the Wachowski Brothers dumped on audiences The Matrix Reloaded, which some thought to be nothing more than a 2 and half hour philosophical bore filled with characters that liked to do nothing more than hear themselves talk in more questionable axioms and riddles than the common moviegoer could ever hope to decipher. And after leaving the moviegoer baffled and somewhat left down, only a few months later the Wachowski Brothers cranked out the final chapter in the Matrix trilogy, Matrix Revolutions.

    Now many of you would probably try to reach through the computer and gnaw off my arm if I was to give away too much of the plot, so I am going to stray from doing so and only give you the basic ideas without giving away valuable information. So if you are one of those freaks who are scared of me ruining it for you, sit back and relax and keep reading you have nothing to fear. Since our last epic philosophy borefest we find Neo trapped by the arrogant, wordy and cocky Frenchman in a world that is between the real world and the matrix. The sentinels are steadily approaching Zion, and it is up to Morpheus and his crew to find their Savior, Neo, and free him from the Frenchman’s grasp in enough time for Neo to save the city of Zion.

    The main thing that worked for Revolutions that didn’t work in Reloaded was the philosophy. In fact the philosophy is decreased ten fold in this film and replaced with what the Wachowski Brothers know best: Action films with great sequences and camera movements. In fact the Philosophy is so cut down in this film It makes me think just why exactly did we have to suffer through Reloaded in the first place. The random talks of the meaning of “life, love and choice” are still prominent in this film, but can be easily ignored for the fan just looking to have a good time.

    The Dialogue in the film both suffers and improves in spots. The consistently confused Keanu continues to spew out axioms and riddles in cryptic confused ways, and the Frenchman babbles endlessly while he is on the screen. But the rest of the dialogue seems forced or fake in spots. We find the speeches from Zion’s military commander to be far overblown and a speech by a 16-year-old Zion kid declaring the war is over almost funny. I was waiting for the kid to break out into Tiny Tim speak and say, “God bless us, Every one!” But despite the somewhat cheesy lines, the film strays away from the philosophy and the confusion, which works well. Apparently the Wachowski Brothers learned you don’t have to confuse the audience to entertain them.

    The Wachowski Brothers spared no money when it came to action sequences either. Their high budget Zion/Sentinel war results in what almost turns into an action borefest. The sequences although great to look at and appreciate for their detail and explosiveness seem almost more drug out than a conversation with the Frenchman. Plus the action really doesn’t bring that much to the table. If you have seen one wave of one million sentinels attacking Zion you’ve seen them all, but the Wachowski Brothers make sure you see about 10 different waves of them breech the Zion walls. Like I stated it’s fun to watch for a while but you soon start thinking that Yoda will appear out of the middle of no where and tell Morpheus “Around the survivors, .a parameter create” a la Star Wars episode 2. You almost feel George Lucas had his hands in this film, trying to wow audiences with mediocre story lines that are easily overshadowed by a computer generated battlefield of man vs. metal.

    All is well that ends well though, and in the end we find the Wachowski Brothers returning to their roots. The give the fans what they want, a stylistic and action packed battle between Neo and the now much more powerful Agent Smith. There are scenes in that sequence alone that made the movie worth my ticket price, but once again I will make you go seek them out yourself. All I will say is there is a slow motion punch that will have the fans of the original begging for more.

    In the end, this film was both a pleasurable experience as well as a disappointment. It was a pleasure because it was more about the action, and the spirit of the original film. Sequences were wonderfully shot, the action kept you into the movie and the Wachowski Brothers kept the movie from droning on for what seemed like Hours in Reloaded. But the disappointment lies in two areas. The first is why was The Matrix a trilogy at all in the first place? Both Reloaded and Revolutions lack total closure and are co-dependent on the other films, where as the Original has a sense of identity of it’s own in my mind. And I was also disappointed because in the end, they leave so many questions unanswered, and did so little with the endless gobs of philosophy and character development that they drilled into your brain in Reloaded.

    The Matrix Trilogy claims that every beginning has an end. And although I can say I am sad that this may be the last time we will see the Wachowski Brothers bringing Neo to the big screen, I am also relieved that it indeed has an end. Reloaded and Revolutions proved that it was time for the story of Neo to end while the Wachowski Brothers were still ahead. And hopefully it will stay that way until George Lucas tries to get his hands on it and together with the Wachowski Brothers decides to create a set of prequels that are nothing more than computer enhanced borefests that only become a matrix mockery. Every beginning has an end, but somehow the quest for more money has no end…Don’t worry fans, something tells me it may take years, but you haven’t seen the true beginning or the end of the matrix.

    Gothika

    A Film Review By Jason L. King

    Rating: Rated R for violence and language 
    Starring: Halle Berry, Robert Downey Jr. and Penelope Cruz 
    Directed By:Mathieu Kassovitz 

    Final Grade: 

    “I see dead people.”…That used to be the phrase a few years back whenever Haley Joel Osment came onto the screen. The Success of the supernatural thriller, The Sixth Sense brought the young Osment to super stardom and people back to theaters more than once. Since Osment announced to Audiences that he can see dead people and that he can help them, there have been a lot of movies and TV shows that have tried to follow in the young boy’s footsteps. Gothika follows the supernatural trend only this time our main character isn’t Haley Joel Osment, but Oscar Winner Halle Berry.

    Halle is a well-respected psychiatrist working in a prison. But one night she thinks she sees a young girl standing in the middle of the road. Her car crashes, and she wakes up the next day accused of the murder of her husband. Now for once in her life the tables have turned. She quickly learns what it feels like to have no one believe your story, as the other doctors’ laugh off her story of the young girl in the middle of the road. But Halle soon learns that the young girl is a victim of a killing who is trying to lead her to the dark truth behind her husband’s death.

    Now I would love to say I liked this film. But If I did I would be telling you a bold faced lie. Many times before you have all heard my how much I don’t like Halle Berry Rant so I will spare you the rant. Sadly enough it’s not Halle Berry that makes this film bad. What make it bad are the gaping plot holes, the mediocre story, the lack of originality and in the end the lack of morality.

    It is almost sad to see an Oscar Winning Actress find her way into a film like this. Berry’s character has no depth at all, and she doesn’t really get the chance to express what little acting talent she does have. And even if the story didn’t deliver with sound characters, they had multiple opportunities for Halle Berry nudity, which would have had the guys standing in box office lines. But instead they decided to completely rid the movie of that as well in order to make room the advancement of the plot.

    Our ridiculously constructed plot leaves giant holes, and makes you think out loud at times, “How could that happen?” Or “Why would that person do that?” The answer is simple: It’s an easy way to advance the plot. During Halle’s escape for the prison to find the “truth” she stumbles upon a guard, who not only ignores her and allows her to run out the door, but also hand her his car keys and tells her to get out of there. Obviously he doesn’t care about his job. There are multiple other scenes that really make you suspend all disbelief to really find any enjoyment in the film.

    You know what? I’ve been working on this review 4 times over, and all I really want to do is Rant on how much I really didn’t like this film…. So I am going to call it quits early this time around. I have nothing positive to say about this film other than Robert Downey Jr. did a nice job, but the unoriginal, uninspired plot easily covered it. The ending angers me because apparently it is ok to kill as long as you kill the bad guy! Because we find Berry back out on the streets like nothing happened. Apparently if ghosts come to me in my sleep and tell me to kill someone because they are bad it is ok. I did not know this. I wish those very same ghosts would have come to me in my sleep and told me that The Mike should have reviewed Gothika, and that this film really wasn’t worth the film it was printed on. If you want to watch something like Gothika, whip out a copy of any serial killer movie (Murder by Numbers perhaps) and then go watch the Sixth Sense again. You will find much more enjoyment out of that, and not have to pay the expensive Box Office ticket to be sadly disappointed. 

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