Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle

A Film Review By Jason L. King

Rating: Rated PG-13 for sexual content and some language and violence
Starring: Lucy Lu, Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymoore, Demi Moore, Bernie Mac
Directed By:McG

Final Grade:

A few years back in my small town Iowa home, I once met a girl named Karen. Karen was your average small town girl. She was book smart, mildly attractive and was fun to hang out with. She knew that she wasn’t the coolest girl in school, but she aspired to be it anyway, leaving her as the but of a lot of jokes. But one night her clueless antics led her to a landslide of ridicule. Her boyfriend loaned her his car one night, gave her $10 for gas money, and told her to put $10 in the tank. As Karen pulled up to the gas tank and began fueling, she quickly found out that $10 just wasn’t going to fit into the gas tank, but afraid that she would upset her boyfriend if she did not spend exactly $10 worth of gas, she ran the extra $2 worth onto the ground.

A few years later I found myself managing a girl such as the likes of Karen. Megan had all the right curves that could make most men drool, but the problem with it was she lacked the brain that should go with the body. Her case was slightly more hopeless as she told me the story of how 1.”She had never put gas in her car because gas is gross” and 2. “Like I have never had a job before because Daddy pays for things.” Less than one month after she started Megan unfortunately left us, just like Karen left our small hometown for college years ago. But unfortunately the pure moronic things they say and do, never really leave your mind.

By now many of you are probably wondering just how does this fit in with the latest summer blockbuster, Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle. The Answer is simply but true, just like Karen and Megan, some things just never cease to amaze me. Charlie’s Angelic trio is back in action once again, this time trying to recover 2 rings that when put together hold the all the aliases to everyone in the witness protection program. It’s up to the angels to get the rings before they get into the wrong hands.

That’s it. The movie summed up in one or two sentences. The creators tried to keep it simple, so not to confuse the audience with a plot and scantly clad women. After all who would be able to handle both of those things in a movie! Despite a pointless plot, this flick could have some potential to be a non-stop fun thrill ride of explosions, and Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle turns out to be just that. Unfortunately this gun toting wannabe girl power flick turns out to be nothing more than a 2-hour skinfest and a mockery of the girl power it may be partially trying to inspire. Director McG goes at great length to make sure that the viewers get to see each of the women in their share of tight leather, waitress outfits, schoolgirl outfits and the girl next door look. And of course who could forget water. Because everyone knows that every time girls are having a bad day, the water sprinklers turn on just to make everyone a little more wet…

It’s almost sad to watch these women on the screen, despite the high-octane explosions, and the eye candy these women provide. We as viewers are forced to indulge ourselves in the enjoyment of clutzy cluelessness of Cameron Diaz, the cute and crazy drew Barrymore and the ferocious ferret known as Lucy Lu. But watching these angels on the screen it is hard to believe that one can find true enjoyment in the exploitations of these women and their bodies, while drooling men find this film brings nothing more to the screen than a chance to feast their eyes on a scantily clad giggling gaggles of girl power. And of course the return of Demi Moore to the silver screen as an ex angel turns out to be nothing more than a sad attempt at a 40 year old woman giving a T&A show. What a comeback movie for the actress. Even the angel’s male counterparts turn out to be nothing more than bumbling brethren of idiots. The usually hilarious Bernie Mac tries his hand at the role of Bosley but his character is so poorly written he looks more like a bumbling black circus clown than a cool angel accomplice. And our villain, Semus O’Grady, played by Justin Theroux proves to be villainous but also nothing more than a joke. His tattoos and his “evil music” that plays in the back ground as he emerges from the flames screams rip off, not tribute to Robert Deniro in Martin Scorsesse’s Cape Fear.

In the end Charlie’s Angels will survive once again, and the beginnings of a trilogy will be formed. But rest assured that in the end, this flick isn’t about girl power, it isn’t about plot or really about anything other than exploiting 3 women all they can within the limits of a PG-13 movie. It’s sad to see such Hollywood talent go to waste. Don’t support this flick, maybe a rental on down the line, but in the end it’s nothing more than a tasteless tease show…

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