A Film Review By The Mike
|Rating:RATED PG-13 for damning many souls
Starring: The Damned
Directed By: The Damned
NOTE FROM MIKE: Last summer, upon my second visit to Our Nation’s Capitol of Washington D.C., my friends were all extremely excited to check out The Holocaust Museum. Though I understood the events that occurred in said Holocaust, I didn’t understand why such a museum of depressing reminders was necessary. After viewing Dumb and Dumberer, I now understand. I pray to God that this review, like that museum, will live on as a reminder of a horrifying event that should never be recreated.
I’ve never felt worse leaving a theater than I did when I left this film. When the credits rolled I placed my head in my hands and nearly wept. I felt like vomiting, and was filled with a rage that is now responsible for the destruction of my favorite pair of sunglasses. It took three songs (Journey’s Separate Ways, Avril Lavigne’s Complicated, and Katrina and the Waves’ Walkin’ On Sunshine) to heal my wounds properly, or that wrath would still be ruling my consciousness. In short, NO ONE should see this film…Ever.
Right now I hope you’re saying “Well gee, Mike, I knew that…this movie looks horrible!” If you are, I thank you…you’re the kind of people that make this planet great. Or maybe you’re saying “But that looks so funny…seriously…It looks funny!” If you are, I hate you…You deserve the worst, most painful death that a human being could receive.
I could spend hours pointing out the problems and flaws that this film suffers from. But I don’t have that much time. I’ll quickly list the good things:
That’s it. You’ll notice I didn’t mention anything that had to do with the story, direction, or acting. I’d never before seen a film that I’d accuse of not having a soul (even Down With Love and Pinocchio seemed to have souls!) until this film took the cake in that department. It made even the trailer for Shaolin Soccer look good, and I hate soccer more than anything! I’d planned some smart closing remark about this movie being the dumberest I’ve ever seen, but this time…I got nothin. Save yourselves…Don’t make the mistake I did.
This film does not incur a grade. I feel that listing it as an F would only place it into a category with other films that are better than it by leaps and bounds. No words, nor any grade, can properly assess this film’s….I don’t have a word to describe it…I’ve been sitting here for five minutes, and no word I put in this spot seems sufficient. Just don’t see it…for your sake.