Archive for June, 2003

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

  • Written by Box Office Boredom
  • Posted June 28, 2003 at 2:00 am

A Film Review By Jason L. King

Rating: Rated PG-13 for action/adventure violence
Starring: Kierra Knigtley, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom
Directed By:Gore VerbinskiFinal Grade:

Every little boy has a childhood dream of becoming a pirate. The thrill of adventure and intrigue, sailing the seven seas, becoming a notorious legend. Although the days of pirates are over, the long lasting obsession with pirates is far from being over. Each year thousands of little children dress up like pirates for their Halloween Costumes and thousands more play pirates in their back yards. So when Disney decided to make a pirate movie, every little kid, and the kid that lives inside each and every grown up became mildly intrigued with high hopes for this swash buckling adventure.

Our Plot follows the notorious Captain Jack Sparrow, who many surprisingly enough believe just might be the worst pirate ever to sail the ocean. He is a crewless bum whose terrible luck finds him in the local jail. But when the cursed crew of the notorious Black Pearl Pirate ship comes to town and kidnaps the Governor’s daughter, her lover, a handsome young blacksmith, confides in the help of Sparrow to track down the Black Pearl and save his true love.

Disney scanned the ocean of Hollywood actors to star in their newest adventure and finally decided on Geoffrey Rush, Orlando Bloom, Keirra Knightley and Johnny Depp to headline their pirate tale. Together the team does a wonderful job. Depp brings so much charisma to the screen as jack Sparrow and was the perfect choice for this “far from perfect pirate.” He takes control of the scene every time his presence is on the screen, and his sometimes ridiculous, always entertaining antics make the film a fun one. The lovely Kierra Knightley who is quickly becoming a rising star in Hollywood once again proves that her beauty and grace makes her a force to reckoned with in the years to come. It will be a real thrill to see her develop as an actress. Geoffrey Rush as the villainous captain of the Black Pearl was also a wonderful choice and does a nice job complimenting Depp’s commanding performance. Sadly enough the young Orlando Bloom doesn’t do anything that is worthy of being noted, other than stand there and look pretty. It seems as though he follows suit with the latest group of Hollywood hunks that are all show (pretty faces) and lack charisma. I must admit, I have enjoyed Bloom in the Lord of The Rings Series, so I know he has potential, I just wished he would have given us the same amount of energy in this character as well.

The real treat of Pirates of the Caribbean is the special effects and the pirate setting. Although they are nothing ground breaking or spectacular, they serve their purpose quite well. They keep a light enough tone that it wont frighten the wee children away, yet keeps an edge that lets the average moviegoer not laugh at the cheesyness of the special effects. That is a feat that is hard to accomplish in Hollywood, so I give credit where credit is due for that. Sadly enough for just about every good thing, there is also the bad. Pirates was not any different. The film had over a two hour run time, which kept moviegoers in their seats slightly longer than they may have wanted. The average attention span for an audience is usually 2 hours at most, and so Pirates pushes its limits with its longer run time, especially for a movie that attracts a younger crowd. Also our musical score follows typical suit with every other Jerry Brukenheimer film ever produced. In fact I am nearly convinced that it has the same soundtrack as “The Rock.” How this happened I don’t know, whether it is accidental or on purpose, it’s still obnoxious! Stop it Jerry! We get the point already.

But in the end, Pirates of the Caribbean may not be the biggest summer blockbusters of the year, but it is a fun ride none the less. By itself it is a fun little film, and with talks of a sequel I can honestly say I am looking forward to it. In the summer months we get a plethora of films that are meant to be pointless and fun, and this flick surely fits the bill to perfection. With this being the best pirate flick since Hook, it gives viewers a reason to jump aboard box office lines and set sail with Johnny Depp and he takes us into a world of piracy and fun.

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Filed under: Action, Family, Movies

28 Days Later

  • Written by Box Office Boredom
  • Posted June 27, 2003 at 3:29 pm

A Film Review By The Mike

Rating:RATED R for Violence, Nudity, Language, and GORE!
Starring: Cillian Murphy, Naomie Harris, Christopher Eccleston, Brendan Gleeson
Directed By: Danny Boyle

Final Grade:

I’ve got a task for you – Name the last great horror movie. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Not since the original Halloween have I met a true horror film I’d give a perfect rating. That’s 25 years in my book. We’ve been bombarded with Friday the 13th and Scream style stalker films since then, along with some solid yet unspectacular vampire and werewolf efforts (An American Werewolf in London, From Dusk till Dawn, and Fright Night standing out) and a bunch of rehashed haunted house stories (The Haunting and House on Haunted Hill remakes, most notably). So when I sat down to watch 28 Days Later, the most buzzed about horror film since that cooky Blair Witch, I, like always, was praying that the trend of lackluster horror efforts was not going to apply. I got my wish.

In short, 28 Days Later is the story of Jim, a man who wakes up in a hospital after being in a kind of coma for a few weeks and finds himself alone. Not alone in the room, but alone in the hospital, and seemingly alone in London. This sets up some beautiful shots of him wandering a completely deserted London. Soon he finds he is not alone (mostly through a interesting scene when he wanders into a church and finds a sort of zombie nest), but then also finds a few remaining souls who (by great coincidence) happen to be near to save his life. Soon they’re forming a unit and traveling by day to try and reach a military complex that may no longer exist, and may not be too helpful either.

I’ve watched 28 Days Later thrice now, and am still amazed by it. It’s a horror film that borrows heavily from George Romero (Although the comparisons are more visible with his sequel Dawn of the Dead than the classic Night of the Living Dead), yet still sets its own boundaries and rules. These are not your father’s zombies, moving like rabid monkeys who’ve watched Jaws one to many times and want to think (and eat) like that titular Great White. Romero’s Zombies were scary because they were creepy in their monotonous motion and slow pace, these Zombies don’t take enough time to be creepy until they’re gnawing at your flesh.

Like Romero’s Zombie films, the heart of 28 Days Later rests not in the horror of these strange zombies, but in the realization that the bigger threat to man’s existence is man itself. Questions of morality and belief in the human way are raised often. The film makes sure that its basis is not only in visceral scares, but also in the intellectual scares that one receives from wondering what would happen to them in this scenario, and from wondering if the zombies are the scariest creatures we meet. Name the last time a true horror film did that and did it well!

Danny Boyle deserves nothing but praise for putting together this film, especially with its budget. The cast does an admirable job, especially Murphy as the heroic lead. The zombies look great, and the special effects and gore are perfect for the film. There’s nothing not to like about this film.

Upon a lot of thought, and several viewings, I can’t recommend 28 Days Later enough. As a horror film fanatic, I was engrossed by every second of its runtime, and can’t wait to see it on the big screen. I hope it translates as well to the average American audience, as this is a film that could be misunderstood by the masses. If you know what to expect, and are ready for a film that will thrill both your senses and your mind, then check your doubts at the door and check out 28 Days Later. You shouldn’t be disappointed.

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Filed under: Horror, Movies

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle

  • Written by Box Office Boredom
  • Posted at 12:06 am

A Film Review By Jason L. King

Rating: Rated PG-13 for sexual content and some language and violence
Starring: Lucy Lu, Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymoore, Demi Moore, Bernie Mac
Directed By:McG

Final Grade:

A few years back in my small town Iowa home, I once met a girl named Karen. Karen was your average small town girl. She was book smart, mildly attractive and was fun to hang out with. She knew that she wasn’t the coolest girl in school, but she aspired to be it anyway, leaving her as the but of a lot of jokes. But one night her clueless antics led her to a landslide of ridicule. Her boyfriend loaned her his car one night, gave her $10 for gas money, and told her to put $10 in the tank. As Karen pulled up to the gas tank and began fueling, she quickly found out that $10 just wasn’t going to fit into the gas tank, but afraid that she would upset her boyfriend if she did not spend exactly $10 worth of gas, she ran the extra $2 worth onto the ground.

A few years later I found myself managing a girl such as the likes of Karen. Megan had all the right curves that could make most men drool, but the problem with it was she lacked the brain that should go with the body. Her case was slightly more hopeless as she told me the story of how 1.”She had never put gas in her car because gas is gross” and 2. “Like I have never had a job before because Daddy pays for things.” Less than one month after she started Megan unfortunately left us, just like Karen left our small hometown for college years ago. But unfortunately the pure moronic things they say and do, never really leave your mind.

By now many of you are probably wondering just how does this fit in with the latest summer blockbuster, Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle. The Answer is simply but true, just like Karen and Megan, some things just never cease to amaze me. Charlie’s Angelic trio is back in action once again, this time trying to recover 2 rings that when put together hold the all the aliases to everyone in the witness protection program. It’s up to the angels to get the rings before they get into the wrong hands.

That’s it. The movie summed up in one or two sentences. The creators tried to keep it simple, so not to confuse the audience with a plot and scantly clad women. After all who would be able to handle both of those things in a movie! Despite a pointless plot, this flick could have some potential to be a non-stop fun thrill ride of explosions, and Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle turns out to be just that. Unfortunately this gun toting wannabe girl power flick turns out to be nothing more than a 2-hour skinfest and a mockery of the girl power it may be partially trying to inspire. Director McG goes at great length to make sure that the viewers get to see each of the women in their share of tight leather, waitress outfits, schoolgirl outfits and the girl next door look. And of course who could forget water. Because everyone knows that every time girls are having a bad day, the water sprinklers turn on just to make everyone a little more wet…

It’s almost sad to watch these women on the screen, despite the high-octane explosions, and the eye candy these women provide. We as viewers are forced to indulge ourselves in the enjoyment of clutzy cluelessness of Cameron Diaz, the cute and crazy drew Barrymore and the ferocious ferret known as Lucy Lu. But watching these angels on the screen it is hard to believe that one can find true enjoyment in the exploitations of these women and their bodies, while drooling men find this film brings nothing more to the screen than a chance to feast their eyes on a scantily clad giggling gaggles of girl power. And of course the return of Demi Moore to the silver screen as an ex angel turns out to be nothing more than a sad attempt at a 40 year old woman giving a T&A show. What a comeback movie for the actress. Even the angel’s male counterparts turn out to be nothing more than bumbling brethren of idiots. The usually hilarious Bernie Mac tries his hand at the role of Bosley but his character is so poorly written he looks more like a bumbling black circus clown than a cool angel accomplice. And our villain, Semus O’Grady, played by Justin Theroux proves to be villainous but also nothing more than a joke. His tattoos and his “evil music” that plays in the back ground as he emerges from the flames screams rip off, not tribute to Robert Deniro in Martin Scorsesse’s Cape Fear.

In the end Charlie’s Angels will survive once again, and the beginnings of a trilogy will be formed. But rest assured that in the end, this flick isn’t about girl power, it isn’t about plot or really about anything other than exploiting 3 women all they can within the limits of a PG-13 movie. It’s sad to see such Hollywood talent go to waste. Don’t support this flick, maybe a rental on down the line, but in the end it’s nothing more than a tasteless tease show…

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Filed under: Action, Movies

From Justin To Kelly

  • Written by Box Office Boredom
  • Posted June 23, 2003 at 3:03 am

A Film Review By Jason L. King and The Mike

Rating:Rated PG-13 for mild sexuality and bad song and dance.
Starring: Kelly Clarkson, Jusin Guarini
Directed By:Robert Iscove

Final Grades:

Jason’s Review:

I am always intrigued by late night MTV shows. You know the ones where they sit up places like and tell you how wild and crazy your spring break could be when you are on the beaches of Florida or Cancun. They always interview all this drunken kids who always tell you it’s the ultimate party experience, and that it’s all about good looking girls, wild parties and sex.

From Justin to Kelly isn’t quite a bad MTV party movie, there isn’t any drinking in it, but it is just an excuse to waste camera time on another bad beach party flick. Our two characters Justin and Kelly Played by Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson, the winners of the first American Idol show, meet up on spring break and fall in love. There is our plot. OF course no one else at this ultimate beach party can believe that it is true love and so Kelly’s evil friend tries to keep them apart by giving Justin the wrong phone number and sending him “evil” text messages via her mobile phone.

Kelly Clarkson made a point to say that this movie wasn’t about the critics, but instead it was about the fans. In other words she was trying to cover her tracks and not admit that her movie was tasteless crap. Maybe there was a hint of truth to her statement, there is nothing about this film that a critic would find enjoyment in, but to be honest, I didn’t know they had that many fans as well. And even if Clarkson and Guarini had fans this childish attempt at romance on the big screen should make them the laughing stock of Hollywood and American Idol fans.

Clarkson and Guarini can’t act at all, but then again they aren’t given anything to work with. A plot that can be summed up as Justin and Kelly meet up and fall in love doesn’t leave you much at all. Unfortunately both Justin and Kelly try to make it look as though they are making the worlds greatest movie and in the end the look like complete idiots. Luckily though this movie did enlighten me on some very important issues in teen culture. For example, when text messaging someone there is a limit to the number of vowels you can use. Apparently there is a text messaging vowel quota. When text messaging your new friend Kelly asking them to a meet you for a burger you send the following message: “Kly- I O U A bgr. – Jstn” I have no idea why but apparently in the world of American idol text messaging there are no vowels. I also learned that every thing you do can result in a crappy song and dance number, and just our luck everyone around Justin and Kelly immediately join in and know all the exact same dance moves.

To be honest I could go on an on, but there is no point. Kelly Clarkson may say this movie is for the fans, but I disagree. This movie is really for no one. It’s a joke and a waste of film. It’s the type of movie you get really drunk and head to the box offices to roll on the ground laughing at instead of enjoying. In the end this isn’t worth your time, isn’t worth your money and isn’t worth the film it was printed on.

Final Grade: D-

The Mikes Review:

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to watch an hour and half long music video starring people who can dance but not sing? Worry no more, because From Justin to Kelly is the realization of that thought. It provides us with a small plot, silly acting, and enough song and dance numbers to drive us crazy. It’s the kind of movie that makes me glad to have an independent eye – Every time an eye wandered from the screen to the wall I thought “Oh wow, there’s something more interesting!” Too bad I don’t have independent ears too.

Kelly Clarkson is a very cute girl, and the movie is watchable for that fact only. There are plenty of beautiful people doing beautiful things in beautiful setting, but nothing that stands up as anything a movie should be. Justin and Kelly show little to no acting prowess, although Kelly’s ineptness is much more minor than Justin’s. The latter, who runs around in a hairdo he stole from Carrot Top doing and saying stupid things, will hopefully never have a career as an actor. Kelly may survive, and might be a good support in romantic comedies down the road…just don’t count on her to carry a film.

If you like the musical stylings of Britney Spears and ‘N-Sync, this is the musical you’ve dreamed of. If you thought Crossroads was a brilliant piece of film, then this is for you. Many are disowning this as one of the most mind-numbing pieces of drivel ever put on film (It currently ranks as the third worst film ever on the IMDB). I can’t say anything good about it, but I can’t really call it that pitiful either. No matter how much we don’t want to admit it, From Justin to Kelly accomplished what it set out to do, being a musical that shows off two people whom are getting their fifteen minutes with an easy nature.

Of course, there’s no reason that it should have been made in the first place with that being its goal. Just months after The Real Cancun tried to move the pop culture of spring break to the big screen, From Justin to Kelly does the same thing with less emphasis on sex and more emphasis on song. Is Spring Break that interesting? Do people find that running around beaches in swimsuits while text messaging without vowels on cell phones is a supremely enlightening experience that must be shown to all? I don’t think so, but I’m fat and can think.

This is a hard review to write, as you’ve noticed by now in my sloppy jumping from point to point. But the main message is that From Justin to Kelly is a film that doesn’t need to exist. It’s not the most condemnable film I’ve ever seen (It doesn’t even win that award for the last month!), but it’s not good in any shape or form. Kelly is cute, but From Justin to Kelly is not. You should avoid it at all costs…but if you’re reading this website you’re probably smart enough to have known that already.

The Mike’s Grade: D-

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Filed under: Movies, Musical

Alex and Emma

  • Written by Box Office Boredom
  • Posted June 20, 2003 at 4:05 pm

A Film Review By Jason L. King

Rating: Rated PG-13 for sexual content and some language
Starring: Luke Wilson, Kate Hudson, Chino XL
Directed By:Rob Reiner

Final Grade:

Over the years I have learned a great deal of things, but the one thing I have learned from movies, books and real life experience, is never deal with bookies. Bookies are always nice enough to loan you the money, and they are also nice enough to shoot off one of your toes when you can’t pay them. And the even weirder thing is, if you owe a bookie a lot of money and they shoot off one of your toes, you still owe them the money. That doesn’t seem fair to me. Unfortunately sometimes life deals out unfair cards when it comes to the movie business as well, and so begins the tale of Alex and Emma. Alex is supposed to be writing the next great American novel, but he has wasted away his time and all of his money in gambling bets gone wrong, and paying back bookies. But when his luck runs out and the bookies want their money, they give Alex 30 days to finish and sell the novel he hasn’t started, or they will kill him. Knowing that he can’t do it alone, he confides in the help of a young stenographer named Emma Dinsmore to help him type his masterpiece. This cheap attempt at a Romantic comedy is about as good as it gets. It has the potential to be a romantic comedy masterpiece. Directed by Rob Reiner, who is famed for When Harry Met Sally, one would think that this would be hailed as the next great installment, in Reiner’s success. But Instead Alex and Emma falls short. What the plot does well is also clouded by mediocrity, unoriginality and just plain stints of boredom that make Alex and Emma an almost, but not quite flick.

Never the less, my respect for Luke Wilson grows more and more with each film that I see him in. Wilson plays the same type of character he does in every flick, but he has an on screen charisma that makes him a joy to watch. His somewhat dry, satirical humor is projected through his dialogue and his expressions and he was the perfect choice for the role of Alex Shipley. Kate Hudson does and equally good job as Emma, but her pretty girl who falls hopelessly in love for her employer isn’t really a role you have to really try to perfect. She therefore only really needs to sleepwalk through the role, look cute, not be annoying and the audience will love her. Reiner does a nice job of making sure she has that effect and it works for her. The plot despite it’s mediocrity has it’s high points. The story of a loveless writer trying to work through his writers block has hints of a bad romantic comedy version of Adaptation, but it works for the film. If you are a writer you have to laugh at some of the writing jokes, the ever changing characters and the “I don’t know what happens next” phrase that Wilson keeps using. But in the end, we know what happens next. He writes the novel, sells it, gets the money, gets the girl but not without a little conflict. By the time we go through all these motions though, the end result is a bore to wait for. It follows the formulaic boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, enter conflict, girl leaves boy, boy confesses true love, they live happily ever after. It’s too lighthearted and fluffy to be an intelligent romantic comedy, and therefore it falls short.

If you are a lover of the Romantic comedy genre, don’t get me wrong, it is not the worst thing you have ever seen. It does the trick as a date movie, and you may score some brownie points with your girlfriend for taking her to it. But don’t expect greatness, Alex and Emma can’t compete with the summer blockbusters, nor can it really compete with some of it’s romantic comedy predecessors. It’s sad to say that this movie just didn’t quite work a smoothly as it could have, when you have such talented actors such as Luke Wilson and Kate Hudson. While both of them have bright futures still ahead of them, As for their characters, Alex and Emma, they will soon be booted out of the box office spotlight, and into the shadows of the dark corners of the rental shelves and quickly forgotten.

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Filed under: Comedy, Movies, Romance
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