Archive for February, 2003

Cradle 2 The Grave

  • Written by Box Office Boredom
  • Posted February 28, 2003 at 12:29 am

A Film Review By Michael Haley

Rating:R for stupid violence and stupid rap songs with dirty words in them.
Starring: DMX, Jet Li, Tom Arnold, Anthony Anderson, Gabrielle Union.
Directed By: Andrzej Bartkowiak

Final Grade:
<

Geez. There is so much beauty in this world, it is almost painful to absorb it all. The leaves blossoming amidst the spring wind, a couple holding hands against the pale moonlight…which makes it all the tortuous to watch and review this flaming piece of crap. Now I realize that it sounds unprofessional to use such a term when describing a film because it makes the critic sound like a whining four year old who doesn’t know how to express himself, but I’m left with no choice… “flaming piece of crap” is the only phrase fit to describe the film, because that’s what it is. I never considered myself a dumb person but I sadly proved myself wrong after sticking around for the whole film.

The film stars the classic rapper DMX. It has Jet Li in it. Needless to say, the plot is pointless and therefore I won’t bother “ruining it” for any of you. Or should I say any of youse, as the intelligence of the film’s characters seem to suggest. It’s the same damn thing that’s been seen numerous times before…there’s diamonds, there’s thieves, there’s governments with thieves and little girls with daddies that are thieves thieving diamonds. Who cares…sadly enough, quite a few care judging by this weekend’s box office receipts.

DMX is not the worst actor out there…Freddie Prinze Jr. has got him beat there by a long shot. That being said, he still doesn’t bring anything noteworthy to his role, and neither does anyone else in the movie. Tom Arnold is a pretty funny guy and so is Anthony Anderson, but the “comic relief” they have to offer is just sad and pathetic. Jet Li offers the most value for your dollar because of his impressive skills as a martial artist, but pretty stunts a good movie does not make. Gabrielle Union proves she is a versatile actress by adding “worthless girl whose only function is to strip for bad guy” to her resume. Oh yeah, and she gets to beat up the evil girl in the film. Whooptie do.

Maybe I’m out of touch with my generation, but does drivel like this honestly appeal to anyone? Apparently so, because Exit Wounds made money and this one likely will too. This film is so bad that I’m literally at a loss for words. It’s bad escapism entertainment, and wastes screen space for films that actually give a damn about something other than things that go “boom”. For god’s sake, ignore this movie!!

P.S. (Spoiler ahead, don’t read if you care about this movie turns out) When DMX saves his child that was kidnapped by the evil diamond thieves, he punches the kidnapper and says, “You’re not a good father!!” What an astute comment on the role of the father figure in society; it really got me thinking.

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Filed under: Action, Movies

Old School

  • Written by Box Office Boredom
  • Posted February 26, 2003 at 6:00 pm

A Film Review By Jason L. King

Rating:Rated R for strong language and some nudity.
Starring: Will Farrell, Vince Vaughn and Luke Wilson
Directed By:Todd Phillips

Final Grade:

College is a time of fun, games, and parties. Sure I’ve been to a few parties, I’ve had a blast with friends, and I’ve done my share of really dumb things. Eventually we all outgrow that stage, and begin to lead normal lives, carrying on boring routine normal jobs, and forgetting about our wild tendencies. Well most of us at least. I can’t say I have yet, I still do that occasional stupid thing, but I am still a college kid for the next year or so. But some people never really outgrow that age of stupidity, and so someone finally decided that there should be a movie dedicated to those people who wish they never had left the giant party known as college.

Old School brings together SNL’s Will Farrell together with Luke Wilson and Vince Vaughn in this story of a group of middle-aged men who start a fraternity for all ages to help them forget about their real life troubles. Through a chain of comedic events we get to watch them embarrass themselves, find themselves and even find love amidst all the stupidity of their attempt to relive their collegiate past.

I should first start off by telling you that this movie is completely pointless. At no point did I actually find even a trace of seriousness in it, but I wasn’t looking for one either. The jokes went nearly over board at times, but what do you expect when a movie stars an SNL character? I’m not complaining however the movie managed to pull it self back on track every time it started to go astray. The movie if nothing else is a guilty pleasure because it is a bunch of “old guys” in a movie that seems like a bad teen party movie.

Will Farrell, the comic genius that he is does a wonderful job in this film. Complete and utter stupidity is his forte, and he uses it to the best of his ability. It’s nothing out of the ordinary for him, but you don’t need that from him to truly enjoy one of his films. As for Luke Wilson, he is a great actor and his contributions to the comedy as a whole are great, but unfortunately his reputation as a comedian are shadowed by that of his brother Owen Wilson, which is sad since both of them are great actors. As for Vince Vaughn, he did an average job, and I enjoyed his character a lot. Vaughn himself however, I was not overly impressed by, but it is much better than the last movie I saw him in. (That doesn’t say much, because he was co-starring with John Travolta in Domestic Disturbance)

Over all I can’t say that Old School is a truly great movie, but I am not going to say it is bad either. Old School knows what it is, a pointless comedy and nothing more. Sure there are better movies out there I am sure, but if you are in for a good laugh, then this may be your cup of tea.

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Filed under: Comedy, Movies

Gods and Generals

  • Written by Box Office Boredom
  • Posted February 24, 2003 at 11:16 pm

A Film Review By Michael Haley

Rating:PG-13 for sustained battle sequences and violence. 
Starring: Robert Duvall, Stephan Lang, Jeff Daniels. 
Directed By:Robert Maxwell 

Final Grade: 

This review is going to be my shortest yet, because the time demands placed upon me lately seem to be increasing more and more each day, and being pulled in ten directions at once is starting to take a toll. Therefore, I apologize in advance if the review doesn’t really help you, but than again, with all my normal B.S. aside this might very well be my best one yet…

This film is a prequel to Gettysburg and part two of a planned three part Civil War trilogy by Robert Maxwell, although I bet his next will be a teen sex comedy (remember, you heard it here first). This time, the focus is on the legendary general Stonewall Jackson (played by Stephan Lang). The focus is also more on his military genius and the heroism of both sides of the combat (I admit that’s a view not taken often, but slavery seems to be a side issue to this film), and a good portion of the long runtime shows us the battles where human genius and stupidity were often played with the same hand, much to the determent of human life and liberty, those ideals that were being fought for in the first place.

The film is decent enough, but the sheer length mutes some of the story’s impact. During the first half of the film prior to the intermission there is an overabundance of praying. It’s not just a few prayers for good luck…Maxwell takes time to show us everyone in prayer, and quite frankly, it got really annoying. The battle sequences are fluid and powerful at moments, and if you’re a history buff, there’s a lot of battle strategy that will appeal. Of course, the performances are fine all around with a great cast including Robert Duvall, but in the end, I wondered how much of it was necessary. We are given almost four hours of the Civil War, three of which are constant prayer, but I felt as if sitting in a History lecture would provide as much education than anything the film had to offer. 

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Filed under: Drama, Movies, War

Dark Blue

  • Written by Box Office Boredom
  • Posted February 23, 2003 at 2:22 am

A Film Review By The Mike

Rating: RATED R FOR Language and Violence
Starring: Kurt Russell, Scott Speedman, Ving Rhames, Brendan Gleeson, Michael Michele, Lolita Davidovich
Directed By: Ron Shelton

Final Grade:
<

Training Day did it and got everyone going. The bad cop/good cop formula is at full strength lately, with the recent release of the amazing Narc a prime example. Now we get Dark Blue, starring Kurt Russell in the Denzel/Liotta role. (It pains me to even mention the coolness of Kurt Russell and Ray Liotta in the same sentence as Denzel…. so sad it is.)

Dark Blue is set around the Rodney King trial in L.A. For those of you that don’t know, Rodney King was a black guy that got beat by cops after evading them in a chase for a while, and L.A. is short for Los Angeles, which is in California. Now that we have that out of the way, It’s safe for me to tell you that racial tensions in the city were at an all-time high.

In the midst of all this, two thugs (one white, one black), wander into a convenience store, shoot the woman behind the counter, and attempt to steal the safe from the wall. While one of the perps is fighting the safe, the other is plugging bullets into the head of each customer that enters the store. In the end, five are dead, a homeless man is left on the sidewalk with a bullet in his neck, and the crooks flee with the safe.

Enter Sgt. Eldon Perry (Russell), and his young partner Bobby Keough (Scott Speedman). We meet the two as young Bobby is sitting in front of “the shooting board”, where the shooting of a criminal he just committed is under review. The higher forces have no problem with his putting down a lowlife, except for Deputy Chief Holland (Ving Rhames), who is a lone black warrior in the white world of the LAPD.

Perry is a grizzled veteran, filled with racial hatred and tricks that would make any good cop cringe. He’s about to be promoted to Lieutenant, a fact that doesn’t break the cold demeanor of his alcoholic wife (Lolita Davidovich) who is fed up with his neglect of her and their son, a fact that is obvious to everyone but Perry.

Bobby, on the other hand, is the boy everyone wants. Young and pretty, he even has the stenographer from the shooting board passing him her number under the table. He’s involved with a woman whom he thinks is a Sergeant (Michael Michele, who looks creepily like Vanessa Williams) who’s biggest stipulation is that the two don’t reveal their last names to each other.

Then paths start crossing. It turns out that Bobby was not the triggerman in the shooting he was just cleared of, as Perry picked up his gun after he dropped it in fear and fired the shot. Holland is sure he can prove this, and sends his assistant, Sgt. Beth Williamson to look into the matter. She soon realizes she knows Bobby….but not his last name.

At the same time the two cops are put on the case at the convenience store, and within hours are pretty sure they know the two thugs who are responsible. The problem is that the criminals are their boss’s best informants, and he won’t let them go down. Perry must find a patsy.

There are many levels to the story of Dark Blue. If you’ve understood what I’ve written thus far, you’re in good shape, but still far from the total picture of the picture. The script, based on a story by James “L.A. Confidential” Ellroy, puts itself together perfectly, and the setting adds another dimension to it all. The final scenes, taking place after the King verdict are a perfect representation of chaos. I have to say the work of Director Ron Shelton surprised me, knowing him basically as the director of sports films like White Men Can’t Jump and Play it to the Bone that require little of the style it took to make theses scenes work.

The key to this film is Kurt Russell, in a performance the likes of which we’ve never seen from him before. From the opening moments he had me hooked, and never slowed in his portrayal of Perry. He has the perfect demeanor for this role, and I was thoroughly happy to see this performance. It’s most definitely the best work he’s done in his long career (although Captain Ron is right up there). The other performances are also good (Speedman and Gleeson especially), although there are times where Rhames seems a little over the top in his role.

The final scene with Russell is a little overwrought, and I’ve dropped my grade of this film a notch on that fact alone. But Dark Blue is a film that will keep your attention, keep you entertained, and keep you from trusting cops. Not that you should anyway, they’re the devil. Add the excellent performance by Kurt Russell, and Dark Blue is the best film 2003 has seen yet.

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Filed under: Drama, Movies

A Wedding For Bella

  • Written by Box Office Boredom
  • Posted February 22, 2003 at 11:47 pm

A Film Review By Jason L. King

Starring:  Scott Baio, Kristin Minter, Rosemary Prinz
Rating:PG
Directed By:Melissa Martin
Movie Released: 2003
IMDB Link
**Film was release theatrically under the title The Bread, My Sweet

Final Grade:

Everyone has that someone in their lives that they love more than anything else in the world. It may be a girlfriend, a parent, a grandparent or a brother but everyone has them. They are that one person who you would do nearly anything for when they are around, and don’t know what you could do without them if they were gone. For me it was my grandparents, and I still remember the day both of them passed away. But never the less, I am happy to say that I know they both passed away In peace and in happiness which is one of the most important things of all.

The flick, A Wedding For Bella, deals with the same issue. Our main character, Dominic, cares deeply for a mother like figure in his life, but when she becomes terminally ill he decides that he would do anything to make her happy. Therefore not only does he set out to find her long lost daughter, but once she returns home, he plans to marry her just so her mother can see her daughter get married before she passes on. Amazingly enough, the daughter agrees to it even though they don’t truly love each other. But their idea begins to bud an actual romance between the two of them and a sentimental story about a wedding that was meant to be a gift for the dying mother, yet turns out to be a gift for everyone.

This flick definitely falls into the category as a big mushy chick flick. It has every thing that a good chick flick needs, a outwardly powerful man, whom in the inside is the super sensitive, handsome, kind caring guy every woman dreams of, and it has the girl who is beautiful despite all of her flaws and insecurities. It also has the “W” word (wedding) in it as well as the dying relative and true love defying all obstacles, all guaranteed tear jerkers in the chick flick genre. But this flick has something else as well, charisma, making it an overall great flick.

Scott Baio, an actor few people knew still existed and fewer people remember is fantastic in this flick. He brings so much to the screen on an emotional level that it enhances he flick even more. His supporting cast, none of them anyone famous, all equally help with the emotion. Each character from the dying woman herself to Dominic’s handicapped brother help give the film more depth, more emotion and more charisma, setting apart this chick flick from all the rest.

It’s a chick flick so you know how it ends shortly after the first half hour of the film. But that doesn’t mean it’s still not well made for its genre. It is a little on the slow side getting started, but in the end, this predictable yet enjoyable is a decent little flick.

The end result is this more “art flick” style chick flick proved to be an overall success. It is sad that few people will know of the flick however and it will hide away on rental shelves and will be soon forgotten about if even noticed at all. In a world where Hollywood likes to churn out “boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love” type chick flicks it’s nice to see one that has a little more depth and a little more emotion to it. If you are looking for the mushy “I love you” type date movie, look no further, head to the rental store and check it out. It’s worth the cash.

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Filed under: Movies, Romance
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