THEY

A Film Review By Jason L. King

Rating:Rated PG-13 for terror/violence, sexual content and language.
Starring: A bunch of people, none that are really that important…
Directed By:Robert Harmon

Final Grade:

Back in the day, before I became the movie buff that I am now, (this was shortly after dinosaurs roamed the earth) , my former roommate, friend and fellow writer for Box Office Boredom “The” Mike came back to the dorms with a copy of a film he was sure would be great. He found the copy of the movie Wes Craven Presents Carnival of Souls on the extremely cheap rack somewhere, and picked it up figuring it couldn’t be that bad. This idea was based on two things, neither which proved to be good reasons.
1. He had heard good things about the original Carnival of Souls and so he figured this remake should be equally good.
2. It had Wes Craven’s name on it. That must be ok, right?
Two hours later, Mike, some friends and I all sat starring blankly at the credits, while asking ourselves what in the heck we just saw, and tried to find ways to gain the time we wasted on the movie back. It was shortly after that night I began rating movies on a scale of Carnival of Souls to 10. Very few movies ever got the Carnival of Souls rating except Get Carter (the Stallone Version) and then a few years later I began creating Box Office Boredom. I never forgot however how bad movies could be, and I kept reminding myself of that one horrid night when I watched Wes Craven Presents Carnival of Souls. Last night, I relived the horrifying feeling of a “Wes Craven Presents” movie…

Wes Craven Presents THEY, tells the story of 4 people who all grow up having night terrors, each of them believing that something is going to “get” them when they are alone in the dark. Nineteen years later the save four individuals find themselves reliving their nightmares, after one of them commits suicide claiming that “THEY” are coming to get him. Slowly one by one began to meet their fate as our characters struggle to find out if “THEY” exist in reality or if it is their own lucid dream…

What can I say about Wes Craven Presents THEY? I was sadly disappointed. The movie was supposed to be scary, but the stupidity of it all kept me from flinching. Sure their were some quick pops that kept everyone on their toes, but all in all Wes Craven Presents THEY proved to be a waste of time. The characters lacked a lot of depth, and the acting seemed to have our characters just going through the motions. The whole film just lacked feeling, emotion and well “common sense.” I never did figure out what “THEY” are and well frankly I don’t care. The climax of the movie is the worst excuse of a cliffhanger ending I have ever seen. As the beginning credits began to roll, I sat there watching them hoping somewhere I would at least get a paragraph blurb saying what the point of the movie was (if there was one) or at least a personal apology from the people who made the film for making their viewers sit through it.

Now you’re probably thinking, but it’s by Wes Craven. Even if I don’t know who he is, I’ve at least heard of the guy. Since the name is popular, can it really be that bad? Keep in mind the title of the movie Wes Craven Presents THEY. Presents is the key word. Wes Craven is simply presenting it to you. He probably had nothing to do with the film, possibly never set foot on the set. Each week I present you with a lot of reviews, but that doesn’t mean that they are “good.”

By the end of Wes Craven Presents THEY I was nearly in tears. I was sobbing because now I have wasted at least 4 hours worth of my life to “Wes Craven Presents” movies. I want those few hours back so I can spend them on quality films. Don’t make the same mistakes I have. Avoid Wes Craven Presents THEY and Wes Craven Presents Carnival of Souls. You will be happy you did. Head to the box office to check it out if you must, but this one just doesn’t make the passing grade. As I look back on my scale of old (Carnival of Souls to 10) Wes Craven Presents THEY gets a Carnival of Souls Rating (0) Welcome to the Ranks of Get Carter, THEY You must be very proud…..

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