Archive for August, 2002

Hero

  • Written by Box Office Boredom
  • Posted August 27, 2002 at 12:22 am

A Film Review By The Mike

< Rating: PG-13 for swordplay and rape 
Starring: Jet Li, Zhang Ziyi, Donnie Yen 
Directed By: Zhang Yimou 

Final Grade: 

Zhang Yimou’s Hero is perhaps the most critically acclaimed film to hit multiplexes this year, and after a viewing of it I can’t fathom why. Billed as the second coming of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and laced with a touch of Rashomon, the film never fails to look beautiful or to supply a tragic “Eastern” plot. But it lacks anything that’s memorable or even extremely impressive, especially in its story.

If you listen to the American trailer, you’d assume this was a remake of Kill Bill, especially considering it was the money of Quentin Tarantino that got the film brought to the US. Just listen to the trailer’s narration:

A soldier, with no name. A warrior with supernatural skill, and no fear.
On a mission of revenge against the army that massacred his people.
Now, to make wrong things right, He must take on the empire’s most ruthless assassins,
To reach the enemy he has sworn to defeat.

OK, so we have a highly trained, unnamed, killer without fear who’s out for revenge after a massacre, who must kill assassins to get to their sworn enemy. Nope, definitely not trying to mooch off Kill Bill at all. (Note Sarcasm.)

In reality, Hero is probably the antithesis of Kill Bill, focused less on battles (I’ve got to assume a director’s cut with longer fight scenes is due…if not, they’re extremely short and surprisingly lackluster) and more on politics. The plot’s heavy-handed approach to this plot is at times overbearing, and those looking for a Kill Bill like load of unrelenting swordplay and something-fu will be disappointed.

There’s too much that looks good in Hero for me to completely disown it, especially in its use of colors that is nothing short of amazing. But, when comparing it to similar works like Crouching Tiger or Kill Bill, it falls squarely into the “wholly unmemorable” category. Hero is an overly ambitious film whose political messages surely must mean something in its homeland. But, to our different culture, it falls flat, at least in this viewer’s eyes.

No Comments
Filed under: Action, Drama, Movies

Undisputed

  • Written by Box Office Boredom
  • Posted August 23, 2002 at 5:07 pm

A Film Review By Jason L. King

Rating:Rated R for strong language,
Starring: Wesley Snipes, Ving Rhames, Peter Faulk, Michael Rooker
Directed By:Walter Hill

Final Grade:

It was 3 AM at North Grand 5 when I fired up the projector and begin watching Undisputed I was not expecting much. The reviews I had heard were nothing but bad, and to be honest I hadn’t really heard a single person who either
1. Knew what Undisputed was
2. Cared
3. Had anything promising to say about it.
After downing enough Vanilla Coke and Nerds Ropes to complete my caffine/sugar rush I had finally made it through the previews. But by the time the movie started I was dead tired and hoped that Undisputed could keep my interest sparked. My hopes were let down.

Undisputed is the story of boxer James “Iceman” Chambers’ (Ving Rhames) stay at Sweetwater prison. Chambers was sent there due to a rape sentence. During his stay at the famous prison he meets the one man who may be able to take away Chambers undefeated record, Monroe Hutchinson (Wesley Snipes).

I’d love to find a way to jazz up the plot more than the above description but that is flat out it. Undisputed is possibly the worst plot I have seen in a while. I thought of it as Rocky VI, without Rocky and set in prison. It set itself up to be one of those “root for the underdog” type movies, but it failed miserably. The movie ends exactly how you figured it would, and the start of the movie comes as abruptly as it started. It was filled with horrible transitions between the past and present lives of both former boxers, such as this corny overlay of a cell block or transitions of the supposed “Chambers rape victim” talking. Plain and simple it didn’t work for them.

Now despite the all the bad, I did find something redeeming in it. Ving Rhames was actually great in the pointless role he had. In fact he made the film nearly worth watching. Rhames has proven himself in the past and will continue to in the future I am sure, but despite the great effort he put forth in Undisputed I can’t quite say he made the right choice with this film. As for Rhames co-star, Wesley Snipes, I’m not so eager to give him the thumbs up on acting. Snipes is more of a bore to watch on the screen than I ever imagined he could be. He tries to be the calm calculating underdog. Maybe it was the horrible script, but all in all, Snipes just didn’t pull it off. I think that in the end I was supposed to cheer for him in the final boxing match, but I really didn’t care who won. In fact I hoped they both beat themselves to death.

By the time I made it through Undisputed I felt like I had gone 15 rounds with a bad film. By the time I got around to writing the review, it felt as though I relived those 15 rounds. Now battered, brusied and stupider, I write this review and thank the Lord that Undisputed will only be a one-week showing at North Grand 5, so not too many people go and check this flick out. If you like boxing, this isn’t the film for you. Go rent any classic Rocky film. Even Rocky V would prove to be more of an enjoyment than watching Undisputed and for those of you who remember Rocky V that isn’t a compliment.

No Comments
Filed under: Drama, Movies, Sports

Serving Sara

  • Written by Box Office Boredom
  • Posted at 2:32 am

A Film Review By Jason L. King

Rating:Rated PG-13 for crude humor, sexual content and language. Also rated this due to the possibility that it may rot your brain away in less 13 min. or less.
Starring: Matthew Perry, Elizabeth Hurley, Bruce Cambell, Cedric the Entertainer.
Directed By:Reginald Hudlin

Final Grade:

When I found out that I had the great pleasure of writing a review for the movie Serving Sara you can imagine how excited I was. The reviews I had heard were all bad and I don’t think I found any good review of it except for one of those 13 year old girls on IMDB that write things like the following:

I thought this movie was a great one. Matthew Perry didn’t disappoint me, and neither did Elizabeth Hurley, although she is not the best actress for the job. :) All the jokes were funny. The only thing I agree with is that Matthew Perry will not be able to leave the mindset of Chandler Bing.

Thank you little girl, but your review is crap. Remind me to come find you and flog you for saying such a stupid thing. The world is dumber for having read your review.

I realized though that sometimes the critics on the IMDB are worse critics than I am, so I decided that it couldn’t be that bad could it? My next source of info was fellow Box Office Boredom Reviewer, Michael Haley. Michael hates most things, and normally his opinion doesn’t really matter, but I asked him anyway. His point of view was the only movie that has been worse this year was Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever Which was my other choice to preview at North Grand 5. After realizing that either way I was destined to watch a bad movie this week, I fired up the projector and started watching Serving Sara, hoping that by the end I wouldn’t want that hour and half of my life back.

Serving Sara is a simple comedy story. Joe (Matthew Perry) is supposed to serve Texas sweetheart Sara Moore divorce papers for her husband, Gordon (Bruce Campbell). But when Joe meets her, she offers him a deal he can’t refuse. He and Sara take off to find Gordon and serve him the divorce papers before anyone else tries to serve them to Sara. If they get away with it, she promises him a million dollars. This leads into a change of events that involves a series of supposed humorous events, and a budding romance between Joe and Sara.

Back in the day, I remember people going goo-goo over the TV show “Friends”. I’ve never been a fan of sitcoms, except maybe “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” but I assure you that’s only because of some strange obsession with Melissa Joan Hart. My personal life aside, what I am trying to say is that I have seen a total of 4 episodes of “Friends” in my lifetime. The few I did see were quasi-enjoyable, but I never understood the hype. Matthew Perry’s character, Chandler, was the only entertaining part of the show, and his dry sense of humor can be funny, in small doses. Unfortunately, Perry takes this dry humor over the edge in Serving Sara. By the time I made it through the first 2 reels, I was losing respect for Perry. Every joke, got worse and worse until it eventually it led to bad puns about masturbating a bull for artificial insemination. It became just tacky and bad. I’m glad that Perry still has “Friends” to fall back on for at least one more season, because by making film like this, he is on a straight path to the Hollywood Gutter, with Alex Winter. (Who is Alex Winter you ask? Come on, you remember Bill S. Preston for Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure right? Of course you do, but where is he now? )

Then we have Elizabeth Hurley, a lovely woman to watch, and in most cases a decent actress, but when given a bad plot and even worse dialogue, we have to just stare at her in awe. Well director Reginald Hudlin never gave us any good camera angles for us to gawk at her, so he basically put Elizabeth Hurley on the side burner. What a waste, and what a shame for all the men in the world, who are trapped in the theaters with their “Chandler loving” girlfriends.

Hudlin even tries to pull in Bruce Campbell to try and make his movie a little better. Well Bruce Campbell, although everyone loved him in the Evil Dead series, (Come on every one loves them! “They are so witty and violent and the soundtracks kick f***ing @ss!- ” -High Fidelity Quote) But Campbell’s character as an unfaithful cattle rancher was just plain stupid. He spoke with an awful Texas accent, insulted the “Texas Culture” with bad satire, and looked like a moronic looking Mel Gibson in a cowboy hat. What a waste of another fun to watch actor.

When the credits rolled, I wanted that hour and half of my life back. Never have I felt this way about a movie since I watched Lucky Numbers with John Travolta. It wasn’t that I hated every second of it, it was just the type of movie I know I don’t like, filled with a bad plot, bad dialogue, bad humor and a waste of quality actors. It was just bad, with a few humorous parts. Sure I could watch it again, but you’d have to pay me. The Serving Sara poster will be hitting my “Movie Poster Wall of Shame” in the near future, and hopefully will quickly disappear from North Grand as quickly as it arrived. If it does, I may be able to salvage what little respect I have for Matthew Perry, Bruce Campbell and Elizabeth Hurley at least until they all churn out the next upsetting pile of crap Hollywood calls a movie…

No Comments
Filed under: Comedy, Movies

Spykids 2

  • Written by Box Office Boredom
  • Posted August 7, 2002 at 6:14 am

A Film Review By Michael Haley

Rating:PG for some cartoonish violence and behavior.
Starring: Alexa Vega, Daryl Sabara, Antonio Banderas, Carla Cugino, Steve Buscemi, Ricardo Montalban.
Directed By:Robert Rodriguez

Final Grade:

Because it’s Thanksgiving Break and I’m ready to relax, your review today will be short and to the point, which is more than I can say for a certain other Mike’s rambling columns (the guy who adores movies, although they usually don’t adore him). Spy Kids 2 is the further misadventures of the two pint sized spies, as they set off to uncover the secret of Steve Buscemi’s island, rescue the president’s daughter, get some thingamajig that will take over the world or something, as well as contend with a new set of spies, one of which is which is Haley Joel Osment’s little sister (and looks so much like her brother that it’s downright creepy).

Spy Kids had the luxury of being fresh and original, which only carries over to the sequel in spots. I’m not saying I didn’t like the movie, but some of the charm of the first one has run its course. However, there’s plenty to like here, as Rodriguez goes joyously over the top with the number of gadgets and cool adventures for the spies. Banderas, as the two spy’s father, has some funny moments as he deals with his father-in-law, played by Kahn himself Ricardo Montalban. For kids, the adventure is a lot of fun, as everything isn’t really scary but exciting, providing a fun outlet for a child’s creative imagination. Also, one can’t but help but really grow a feel for the creatures on Steve Buscemi’s island, who are so innocent and childlike that it’s rather touching (even creepier than Osment’s sister was that the previous comment was not uttered by Cuddly Michael, God rest his soul).

However, most of the readers of this site are college students, so will the magic carry over to you guys? It kinda did for me, enough for me to recommend it, although I know I would have liked it a lot more if I was ten years younger. The kids are spies in name only, as they go though a lot of action but don’t do much spying…something I hope Rodriguez keeps in mind for the third one (nothing announced yet, but it’s a no-brainer). Also, the film slows to a crawl a couple points, causing restlessness (perfect time to get some buttery flavor topping, aka pure fat popcorn!).

Spy Kids 2 isn’t quite a treasure, but it’s fun enough for me to recommend it and not feel bitter about it. The actors are having fun, and its especially fun for children (although I know a few ISU Seniors who were enchanted by it). Make sure you stick around for the closing credits, as Alexa Vega performs in what is arguably the best scene of the film, that’s worth the price of admission alone. If you’ve seen everything else playing right now, give this one a try…otherwise, look for something else.

No Comments
Filed under: Family, Movies

Master of Disguise

  • Written by Box Office Boredom
  • Posted August 2, 2002 at 5:42 pm

A Film Review By Jason L. King

Rating:Rated PG for some mild language and crude humor
Starring: Dana Carvey
Directed By:Perry Andelin Blake

Final Grade:

Master of Disguise was former SNL’s Dana Carvey’s return to the big screen. His attempt however missed the boat completely. The once loved Garth from Wayne’s World, tries to make it again in a generation that is old enough to remember Garth yet will not love Carvey for his previous works. Master of Disguise just may be the end for Dana Carvey.

Master of Disguise is the story of Pistachio Disguise, a young man who comes from a long line of disguise masters. His father kept him from the truth for years, so he would not be forced to follow the “dangerous life of a disguise master” But when his father is kidnapped, Pistachio receives a visit from his Grandfather who trains him in the family secret trade in order to save his family from an evil villain who wants to use Pistachio’s father as a thief for hire.

I’m not really even sure where to start with this film. To be honest, I’m not even sure what it was aimed for. The film is littered with bad references to past movies and songs that only an adult would understand, but in the same turn makes itself into a kids movie, with terrible humor such as cow pies, rubber snakes, and the reoccurring toilet humor joke. Add all of that with Bad cameo appearances by Jesse Ventura, Jessica Simpson, and Michael Johnson, and you end up with a movie that makes you want to spoon out your own eyeballs instead of viewing it. Dana Carvey is a funny man, and I will not try to oppress him for his latter day sins. I have always been a fan of Garth but I have to say no to Pistachio.

Now sure, the film can not be looked at in a manner that is life changing. It wasn’t meant for that. And since some people think I hate everything, which I do, I guess I could say it’s a mildly bad comedy. A lot of times, a good comedy doesn’t need a good plot at all, just a general direction. But Master of Disguise lacked in spots even a direction. If you enjoyed movies such as Zoolander then you might find some humor in this one, but Master of Disguise makes Zoolander look like the film of the year.

After watching this movie at 3 am, I thought about giving it a good grade, but honestly I can’t. I realized later, that I was laughing at the movie, not with the movie. That kind of humor has its time and place I guess, but if I wanted blatant stupidity Kung Pow was more original stupidity for your buck. Sorry Dana, but I can’t let you pass this time. If I was Dana Carvey, I’d use my new found skills as a disguise master and try to hide from the world until I made a film that is much much better.

No Comments
Filed under: Comedy, Family, Movies
?>