If I may, a bit of self-indulgence. Wow. It’s been a whole year since I started doing these things. A full WWE season. That’s pretty cool, I think, assuming we’re stretching the definition of the word “cool.” Regardless, we’ve almost reached the end.
WrestleMania 31, which doesn’t have a number attached to its logo because WWE is stupid, has had a lackluster build. I don’t know if anyone would argue that at this point. Some of its biggest feuds have been built up by a single person, and the feuds themselves just aren’t that good. But, hey: it’s still WrestleMania, it’s still the biggest show of the year, and the competitors are still likely to deliver big matches. With that said, here’s how I see it shaping up.
WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal Four-Way Match: Cesaro and Tyson Kidd vs. The New Day (Big E and Xavier Woods) vs. Los Matadores (Diego and Fernando) vs. The Usos (Jimmy and Jey Uso)
Prediction: With one of The Usos reportedly being injured, Los Matadores undergoing a tweener turn that nobody cares about, and The New Day being a complete failure, it’s hard to see anyone other than Cesaro and Tyson Kidd retaining, isn’t it? I’m picking them, at least.
Random Thoughts: Remember how we all thought The Ascension would be next in line for the Tag Team Championships? Yeah, those were fun times.
André the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Prediction: Of the announced participants, the most likely winner in my eyes is Damien Sandow. However, I’m going to pick someone who hasn’t even been announced as an entrant: Sheamus. We’ve been getting “Sheamus is returning” vignettes for a while now, and this would be a great place for it to happen, and for him to win.
Random Thoughts: Isn’t it a little disgusting that both this and the Tag Team Championship match are taking place on the pre-show? They would’ve worked perfectly slotted between some of the bigger matches on the show, but instead they’re being shown on a show that has less interest going for it than Smackdown does.
WWE Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match: Daniel Bryan vs. Stardust vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Luke Harper vs. Dean Ambrose vs. R-Truth vs. Bad News Barrett
Prediction: Yes! Yes! Yes! With Bryan jobbing out to Ziggler twice — albeit once after a lengthy gauntlet match — I predicted that it meant he was winning this match. Yes, that’s backwards logic, but WWE doesn’t operate on normal logic anyway. I’d guess the only other potential winner is Ziggler. But my pick is Bryan.
Random Thoughts: Stardust has no chance to win this, so I don’t know why he’s in it. WWE scrapped that Goldust/Stardust feud for nothing! That would’ve been a perfect pre-show match, and then we finally could have had Cody/Dustin at WrestleMania. But, no, WWE decided we didn’t deserve that, so now both men are directionless.
Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins
Prediction: Rollins has been acting like a perfect cowardly heel in the abbreviated build-up to this match, and we’ve even been given hints of doubt that he can actually win matches. As such, it makes perfect sense to have him win here. Maybe J&J Security will help, or maybe he’ll cheat in another way, but I’m thinking Rollins gets the win here, with the feud continuing.
Random Thoughts: Orton at this point doesn’t really need a whole lot of wins. It’s kind of weird, since it’s not like he’s old, and yet he’s at that point in his career now. I still want to see him face Brock Lesnar, though. Once he and Rollins are done, that’d be something to see. F-5 into an RKO must happen.
WWE United States Championship Match: Rusev vs. John Cena
Prediction: Cenawinslol. Rusev’s still got this whole “unpinned, unsubmitted” streak going for him, and if it’s going to end, it’ll be at one of the bigger PPVs. Having Cena conquer this streak at WrestleMania simply makes sense, and giving Cena the United States Championship — as long as he doesn’t spinnerify it — does elevate the title. With a bigger focus on the smaller titles WWE has of late, Cena’s going to win this, right?
Random Thoughts: Cena’s been the heel in this feud. He tortured a man in order to get this match. But he’s not being portrayed as such, which is something I’d really like the “Reality Era” to do better. No more pure faces and pure heels is something we’ve dabbled in but not really done all that well, and this would’ve been a great opportunity to showcase that.
The Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt
Prediction: If we’re going to get Undertaker/Sting next year, and if we want it to mean anything, Undertaker has to win this. Seeing him lose two straight matches just doesn’t sit right with me if he’s going to continue. And I do not think this is his last match. He’ll wrestle next year. In fact, what will likely happen is he wins this match and then gets beaten down by Wyatt afterward, which is how we’ll write him out for another 11 months.
Random Thoughts: Do you know what’s been really bugging me for the last 12 months? People saying The Undertaker can’t wrestle a good match anymore. People are basing it solely on last year’s match and completely ignore the fact that he was concussed for most of it. His body isn’t that broken; he probably barely knew what was going on! Let’s wait and see; I think this will surprise some people with its quality.
AJ Lee and Paige vs. The Bella Twins (Nikki and Brie Bella)
Prediction: The faces win? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. The feud’s been okay, but it’s not really for anything, and since WWE barely even cares about the Divas, it’s tough to pick a winner. But I’ll pick AJ and Paige, just because.
Random Thoughts: This should be a fatal four-way for the Divas Championship. It would mean more and it would give the match some stakes. But, no, we’re getting a throwaway tag team match.
Sting vs. Triple H
Prediction: Nobody thinks Triple H can win this, right? Sting may only wrestle one match in WWE — although I think there will be more — and he’s not going to lose in his debut. That is, unless he gets more dates added to his contract and therefore Triple H can cheat to win and setup a rematch at Summerslam or whenever. But, still, I’m going with Sting, as I don’t think we’re going to see a rematch between these two.
Random Thoughts: I still hope Sting does a couple more matches. One at Summerslam or Survivor Series, and then another at next year’s WrestleMania. That’ll be enough for me.
WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns
Prediction: Brock Lesnar re-signing with the WWE has done more for this match than the last month of promos between the two Superstars. The announcement made this match unpredictable. We all thought Roman Reigns was winning if Lesnar left for the UFC, but now that he’s staying, who knows? In fact, I think he’s going to retain. The way he’s been booked gives Lesnar the edge, as he’s been booked as an unstoppable monster. Reigns has been made to look really strong, too, but not to that extent. I’m picking Brock Lesnar.
Random Thoughts: I really, really, really hope this match doesn’t suck. That’s it. I just want it to be good.
There are my WrestleMania predictions. Hopefully it’s a fun show.