Flashback Friday: Valley Girl

We reviewed it—perhaps you missed it.  Let’s take a trip back in time and take a look at one of our reviews of the past this Friday-  This week, Nic Cage’s Valley Girl where he is like tripindicular you know!  What?  You don’t know?  Read on!

Anyone who has been a fan of BoxOfficeBoredom.com over any portion of the last 10 years of it’s existence knows that The Mike and I have never been shy about proclaiming our love for Nicolas Cage. Nic Cage has always been that quirky actor that just didn’t seem to have all of his marbles lined up in quite the right order, but we love him anyway. The last few years have been rough on Cage, and after Season of The Witch, who can really blame people for associating him with terrible cinema. So in order to prove to you that Nic Cage is awesome, we continue our quest to prove by rehashing the early Cage we all know and love. (Read More)

Léon: The Professional

From Léon: The Professional, I learned a few things about becoming a hitman. First, you need to drink milk instead of alcohol. It’s a rule, apparently, although it gets broken once in this film to hilarious results. Secondly, being a hitman is not difficult. In fact, a twelve-year-old girl can become one if she’s trained for a few days. All you need to do is know where to shoot a gun, and do a few situps every day. Finally, you don’t need to know how to read to become a hitman, although it does occasionally help your cause.

As you’ve no doubt figured out, Léon: The Professional has a hitman in it. They’re referred to as “cleaners” in the film, and our “professional” from the title is named Léon (Jean Reno). He only drinks milk, he cares deeply for a plant that he carries around with him, and he has a heart, although how big the heart is will be tested over the course of the film. He’s neighbors with Mathilda (Natalie Portman), the twelve-year-old I mentioned earlier. She lives in an abusive household, and he feels sorry for her. She’s beaten quite frequently, and he takes note of this, despite not doing anything about it. He’s too reserved for that.

One day, thanks to her father’s idiocy in messing with drug dealers, her entire family is murdered. Luckily for her, she was sent to get groceries. Léon takes her in for the night, but she ends up staying longer than that. The murderers were led by a corrupt DEA officer (Gary Oldman), who loves his classical music, even if it does get a little boring after the introduction. Or so he tells her father before killing the man. He’s not only just corrupt, he’s crazy. Of course, you expect this since Gary Oldman is playing him, but that type of cartoon character almost doesn’t fit in a film like this. I say “almost” because it still ends up working, but a more down-to-Earth portrayal probably would have been better.

After taking Mathilda in, Léon is forced into teaching her how to become a hitman. She claims that she’ll kill herself if he doesn’t, and she actually comes very close to doing so. She wants revenge, and since she doesn’t have the money to pay Léon, she’s going to learn how to kill so that she can do it herself. How much training the foul-mouthed girl needs is another story, as she earlier shows that she knows how to handle a gun. Regardless, the plot concerns the training of Mathilda, as well as the budding relationship between her and her mentor.

Yes, I said “relationship.” What of it? While it’s not made especially clear what extents this relationship grows to, and exactly how Léon feels about Mathilda, she claims multiple times to be in love with him. It often seems more like a father/daughter relationship to me, although maybe not to her. It almost gets to the point where her dialogue is somewhat creepy, in that she says things we don’t expect her to understand, let alone say. I can see how this can be off-putting, and while I was put off occasionally, I was also curious as to how far writer/director Luc Besson would take this, which kept me watching.

The best parts of Léon: The Professional are the scenes in which Léon is allowed to act like a hitman instead of a father. Watching him silently eliminating many men at one time is fascinating, even if he does seem to move faster than is possible. He plans these murders, and then he follows through with them in the most efficient way that he’s capable of. It’s a shame that there are only a couple of these moments, although the first scene includes one which gives us an instant hook.

The worst moments come near the end, which is a loud shootout involving a bunch of faceless police officers who are somehow coaxed into trying to kill Léon and Mathilda. It’s such a departure from the smooth, calm demeanor of the rest of the film, and it also forces the film to conclude in a far more abrupt manner than it deserved. I’m not going to spoil how it ends, although it’s unlikely to surprise you, even if when it finished might.

Since we spend most of the film’s runtime with these two characters, they need to be well-acted. Thankfully, they are. Jean Reno is the more quiet, reserved character, although he’s capable of some high-energy action scenes. Natalie Portman is more obnoxious and outspoken, likely due to her age. But when they get to know one another, they begin to start sharing personality traits and developing as characters. There are character arcs here, even if the villain sings one note throughout, never changing his tune, pitch or melody. He may take inspiration from Beethoven, but he has nowhere near as much depth.

Actually, when I think about it, a weak antagonist is the biggest issue I have with Léon: The Professional. Granted, it’s not exactly a film that’s about good guys and bad guys doing battle, but had there been a stronger villain, we’d have a more interesting climax. Instead, we have this cartoon character who we simply cannot take seriously. Improve the villain — give us a credible threat — and you have an exceptional film. As it is, we just have a very good one.

Léon: The Professional is a great film that needed a better villain to propel it into the upper echelon of films. But it has interesting, deep and well-acted characters, as well as some very fun action scenes. The ending action scene needed to be changed, and the finale didn’t need to come as quickly as it did, but on the whole, I had a really fun time with it. I can see some people getting creeped out by the relationship between the two main characters, but it intrigued me more than it put me off watching the film. This is a film you should definitely give a chance.

What you should be watching on Netflix: Vol. 1

Netflix Instant Watch has a wealth of stuff on it. Sometimes a few things slip through the cracks and you have heard of it but don’t know it is on instant watch, or you need some good old fashioned suggestions from a fellow film buff. Don’t worry; we got ya covered. Here’s what you should be checking out on your favorite streaming service this week!

White Collar

2009-2010    TV-PG    2 Seasons

Ultra-suave forger and con man Neal Caffrey (Matthew Bomer) always dresses impeccably, even when he’s prison-bound after FBI Agent Peter Burke (Tim DeKay) captures him. To avoid jail, Neal signs on to help Peter catch other white-collar thieves but conceals an ulterior motive. Aided by squirrely pal Mozzie (Willie Garson), Neal searches for his missing girlfriend while using high-tech gadgets and old-fashioned charm to nab bad guys with Peter.

Alien Vs. Ninja

When my fellow blogger friend, Russ over at Dead End Drive in was hosting Alien Invasion Week and looking for some contributors, I decided to try and throw my name into the hat.   However, I wasn’t just content with something that was your typical, run of the mill alien movie.  I wanted something different; and that is when the beauty of Netflix Instant watch becomes your savior (or in some cases, your worst nightmare).  The film I stumbled upon was a Japanese film titled, Alien Vs. Ninja.  I figured people loved watching Alien Vs. _____ movies; henceforth the success of the Alien Vs. Predator franchise.  By that logic an Alien vs. a Ninja should be equally entertaining even if it isn’t the famed “alien” from the AVP franchise.

Well, it so happens that Alien Vs. Ninja is not as exciting as one would think it would be.  The film revolves around two great ninja warriors and their ninja counterparts as they investigate a large fireball that fell from the sky and landed in the forest next to their village. What they discover is an alien life form that is sent to earth to destroy man kind and life as they know it.  In order to try and stop the slaughter of their own village and simply to stay alive, the ninjas must find a way to stop their new unstoppable foe.

I’ve seen a lot of low budget flicks in my time. Alien Vs. Ninja certainly is one of them.  However, it handles it’s budget issues with a bit of class.  It spends money on some special effects where needed and backs its mediocre product up with some “decent” cinematography and camera work for the caliber of film it is.  Make no mistake- the makers of this film are not going for any high goals and trying to achieve Oscar dreams.  They are simply trying to make a fun movie with Aliens and Ninjas meeting up.

Action sequences in Alien Vs. Ninja actually are better than I expected once the movie started rolling.  With that being said, the film had its moments of uber cheese and some scenes that were down right ridiculous.  There is a fight scene in this movie between an alien and a female ninja that is so overtly sexual that it is creepy (and worthy to be posted in the video to the left).  While the makers of the film were trying to be humorous and action packed at the same time, this move comes off as slightly inappropriate and kind of awkward to watch.  It’s so terrible you chuckle the first time you see it; You find yourself slightly embarrassed for all involved the second time you watch it. The fight scenes between the male leads take a much more serious tone.  While they certainly also have their moments that force you to stretch the imagination they don’t seem as “stupid” as any sequence that stars the female ninja.

Where Alien Vs. Ninja goes wrong is that the film tries too hard to be funny.  I kept feeling like I was watching an inside joke amongst the film makers .   One of the supporting cast was an aging ninja who I guess was a weapons expert and an all around doofus.  His dubbed voice made him sound like a buffoon; but it equally matched his actions as well.  I guess the makers of this film wanted him to be comic relief.  The problem is- it didn’t really work in this film.

I somehow found myself over looking gaping plot holes, a man in a rubber alien suit that looked like a dolphin head with a few extra blow holes and some grey vinyl pants as well as some stunt work that was beyond laughable.  I quickly learned I  was watching a film with a production quality that was slightly better than an episode of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers for a mature audience mixed with a hint of bad dubbing and comedy from Kung Pow: Enter the Fist. Once I settled into that reality, I realized I actually had fun Alien Vs. Ninja.  It’s terrible in all the ways you want an awesomely bad movie to be.  I laughed,  I groaned, I questioned why I was watching it and I settled into a movie that really shouldn’t have been on my radar in the first place.  If you’re looking for Alien movies for an all time great “Alien Invasion” movie list I will be the first to say that Alien Vs Ninja shouldn’t even be on your list.  However as much as I want to mock this film for all its faults, I found my way to the credits of this 80 minute flick with a love/hate relationship with it.  I wouldn’t suggest it to anyone; but then again I wouldn’t run screaming from it if someone I know suggested it as a late night, bad movie get together film.

Legend

A long, long time ago, unicorns, goblins and fairies roamed the Earth. Legend wants to tell as story about Light vs. Dark, evil vs. good, and all that awesome stuff. It wants to, and it largely succeeds. This is a rather fun fairy tale, even if it is fairly dark at times. And even if the story isn’t necessarily the freshest thing out there, at least the film’s visuals will enchant you and make you want to see more.

We begin with a problem, or perhaps it isn’t a problem depending on which side of the light spectrum you’re on. If you’re a human, elf or fairy, you’re going to be disheartened by this news. Conversely, goblins or even the Lord of Darkness (Tim Curry) himself, you’ll be happy. Unicorns are dying out. There are only two remaining on the planet, and if they go extinct, darkness will consume the Earth. The Lord of Darkness instructs one of his minions (who speaks almost solely in rhymes, for some reason) to go kill the remaining unicorns. The bait: Two idyllic young lovers who haven’t a care in the world.

We then head to a forest, where Jack (Tom Cruise) and Lily (Mia Sara) are prancing around like the innocents they are. Jack decides to take Lily to see the unicorns, because that’s a good way to show that you love someone. She decides to ignore the rule of “don’t touch the unicorns,” and before you know it, one of them has lost a horn, the sky has darkened, snow begins falling in heavy quantities, and chaos is everywhere. Lily runs away and Jack begins to search for her. (I use the term “run” very loosely when describing Lily’s method of moving quickly from place to place, as she doesn’t move her arms and never seems to be in too much of a hurry.)

Before you know it, Lily and the remaining horned-unicorn have been captured, Jack is found by a few elves (the most prominent one is played by David Bennent), and we have ourselves a save-the-princess quest. You wouldn’t initially think that Jack would be capable of defeating the Lord of Darkness, but you’d be surprised what acrobatic stunts he can pull.

Legend plays out like an adventure film located in a place that wants to look like a dream. There’s so much snow, glitter or bubbles floating around everywhere that it’s sometimes hard to make out just where we are. I wanted to appreciate the set designs, but I couldn’t because most of the time, they looked too similar to one another to seem different. The forest looks great before it’s overtaken by snow, but afterward it looks like the budget didn’t have room for it. Darkness hides shoddy production values, right?

Anyway, apart from a couple of less-than-spectacular action scenes, we’re mostly just here to watch Jack and his friends try to find and rescue the woman. She, on the other hand, has become the main desire of the Lord of Darkness, explained away because her soul is pure. His plan: Make her join the dark side. Seemed flawed to me, as the reason he has such a lust in the first place is because of her purity. If he converts her and makes her do things like kill the unicorn, won’t that purity, and his reason for affection, be lost? Regardless, it provides solid reason to care about her, and we really hope Jack will save her. They’re both just so sweet!

Despite the different sets being hard to discern from one another, the costuming is top-notch. I can only imagine just how much work went into the costume design and makeup for this film. Every time a character not named Jack or Lily was on-screen, I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. Tim Curry’s Lord of Darkness is especially impressive, although the work done on the goblins and elves was also stunning. Like I said, even if the story doesn’t particularly fascinate you, there’s something else to keep you engaged or interested.

I liked the story. I thought it was sweet, charming, and dark enough to not seem too much like your generic “everyone’s happy all the time” fairy tale. Tone and atmosphere are both set — sometimes almost too well; seriously, we get the time-lapse shot of clouds rolling by so often that calling it “redundant” would not be strong enough of a word — well, while the pacing of the film is quick and rarely gives you time to catch your breath. Legend enchanted me.

Actors got lost in this film. It wouldn’t matter if Tom Cruise was in it, as he doesn’t really stand out. Tim Curry is buried beneath so many gorgeous prosthetics that it’s difficult to tell that it’s even him. The elves are all just background characters, while Mia Sara (in her first major role) is just sweet enough to make her character work, even though she doesn’t get a lot of time either. The pacing is so quick, in fact, that Legend feels over well before it needed to be. I wanted to see more from everyone in the production, as I felt their characters had more to offer us.

I had a really fun time with Legend. While it feels more like a passing dream than a staple in the adventure genre, I can’t deny that it was really enjoyable to watch. When you can see the sets, they’re gorgeous. The costuming and makeup are both top-notch, and the story, while not being very original, is enjoyable and quite sweet when you think about the characters within it. It likely could have used more character moments, and on the whole felt a bit short, but it’s still a great film that I would recommend to anyone.

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